An Open Letter to Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter in Moneyball

Dear Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter in Moneyball,

I hate you. I hate you so much that I’m almost foaming at the mouth right now just thinking about you. Like I have rabies.*

On one hand, it’s not really your fault. I’m blaming you more for what you represent than what you are. You are Hollywood’s worst instincts. You are an appeal to our lowest common denominator. You are the dumbing down of every movie, TV show, album and book so that the maximum amount of people will enjoy it, even if that means nobody will enjoy it a lot. You are America’s decline. You are pop culture’s AIDS.

There is no need — none — for you to exist in the world of this film. You are ostensibly there to humanize the character of your father, to make him likable for the ladiez. But the ladiez were going to like him anyway because he is Brad Pitt. So when he drives around listening to your retarded song and gets teary-eyed, that helps nothing while undermining the character, the narrative and the entire goddamn movie.

Moneyball isn’t a bad movie — the creative team did a better job than I thought they would do, given the constraints of the story (such as it is). Yes, there are flaws (the demonization of Art Howe, the simplification and misrepresentation of the complicated ideas in the book, the absence of the draft scene), but it’s watchable and entertaining enough. Pitt is indeed likable as the cocky Beane, the baseball action is filmed well, and Jonah Hill is at his best as Fake Paul DiPodesta. But oh, how you ruined things. Unfortunately, you are my lasting memory from this movie and you taint and tarnish all the good stuff.

Your very existence is flawed. I know that Beane has daughters in real life, but you should not exist in this movie. You are not a character, you are a device. A cynical, focus-grouped device to make us feel in a movie about objectivity and the quest for knowledge. You are anathema to the ideas in Michael Lewis’s book and most of the ideas in the film. You are rotten to your non-existent core.

Beyond that, you’re fucking annoying. You’re supposed to cute and precocious, but you’re cloying and unrealistic. You are a hateful little girl, and I hate you. Most of all, I hate your fucking song. I hate your guitar, I hate the scene where Beane takes you guitar shopping, and I hate that your song becomes a recurring motif in the fucking movie.

Let’s take a closer look at your vile little ditty, which sounds directly ripped off from that annoying song in Juno and then dipped in a vat of cavity-causing syrup:

I’m just a little bit caught in the middle

What are you caught in the middle of, exactly? Your divorced parents? (And why is Robin Wright in this movie? She’s only in one scene!) Old and new ideas of how to evaluate baseball talent? OPB and batting average? Gym class and recess?

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

You’re five years old. Shut the fuck up.

I don’t know where to go, can’t do it alone

Go to school. Then go to bed. Repeat.

I’ve tried and I don’t know why

You’ve tried to do it alone at the age of five? Wow, very brave of you. So you’re not married yet? Very brave to be a strong, single woman in this complicated, demanding world. Kudos.

Slow it down, make it stop or else my heart is going to pop

A) What? B) You’re five. C) Your stupid fucking lyrics don’t make any sense.

Cause it’s too much, yeah it’s a lot to be something I’m not

SO MUCH PRESSURE ON YOU! Your life is so hard!

I’m a fool out of love cause I just can’t get enough

Slut.

I’m just a little girl lost in the moment

You know what I like the most about you? You just get it, you know? You know what’s important in life and you really have your shit figured out. You don’t get bogged down in all the day-to-day bullshit. You have your priorities straight. You’ve very zen.

I’m so scared but I don’t show it

Again….so brave. So adorably brave. Also, “moment” doesn’t rhyme with “show it.”

* Disclaimer I wish weren’t necessary: I am obviously addressing a fictional character, and have nothing against the actress who plays her or Beane’s real-life daughter. Got it?

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168 Comments

Filed under Film Has AIDS, The Dilemma

168 responses to “An Open Letter to Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter in Moneyball

  1. To whomever wrote this distasteful review, IT’S A MOVIE ! Nothing to so worked up about. And after reading it, I am sincerely suggesting you get some serious help. Your have serious MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. I wouldn’t be surprised if you weren’t the next mass shooter with all your unwarranted hostility towards a movie. Let’s get things into perspective, IT’S A MOVIE! Hope you get the help you need to learn to handle your anger issues. Good luck with that.

    • I agree Denise. The one unfortunate thing about Dilemma and his post is he just proves himself to be a troll. That hates on the hard work of others and obviously just has some serious mental issues to work out.

  2. Anonymous

    Other than coming from the dry end of the gene pool and obviously do not understand that “movies are not real, they are entertainment and fictional”.

  3. I rewatched Moneyball recently and also found myself wincing at Lenka’s “Enjoy the Show” and how it is used in this movie for all the reasons you mentioned.

    More than that, hearing it was somehow the last straw for me with this whole type of song in general. The twee lyrics. The “who me?” chords. The indie pop accent (not the actress’s fault: every indie pop singer sounds this way so why wouldn’t she?).

    Anyway, I wrote a song about that and made a video.

    http://www.comediva.com/tongue-rhapsody-twee/

    Then I found your rant and it made me laugh.

    Best,
    Lydia

  4. Bumpity BumpBump

    You make it sound like the daughter wasn’t necessary in the movie, like she was just there to make the movie and Billy Beane “likeable”. If not for his daughter, why else would Billy Beane turndown $12.5M? The weather?

    • In the context of the film, he stayed because winning in Oakland would mean more to him. It’s made clear throughout the film. What is NOT made clear throughout the film is the character of his daughter. We see basically nothing about her other than a couple of scenes. If she matters to Billy, it’s not made clear.

  5. Joe shmo

    Anyone who doesn’t understand the point if this song in this movie is too stupid to even have me explain to you why it’s in there, but I will anyway. The girls song puts everything into perspective to billy without her even realizing it! it’s basically telling him to stop worry about winning that last game and “just enjoy the show.” The fact that I have to explain that to someone that writes about movies on this site it just pathetic. You should just write about Chuck Norris movies or something or just be a garbage man or something! You are a disgrace and you have no business doing what you do. I can’t believe what I just read from you. That song brings the whole movie together and it wouldn’t have been as good without it.

  6. Jomom

    Just watched the movie and heartily agree.

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  8. Eric

    Just for the record, the song isn’t intended to represent the trials and tribulations of a 12 year old girl. It’s a real song by an artist named Lenka. It was actually a minor hit when it was released. I remembered hearing it on Sirius radio’s Left of Center channel, and I recognized it immediately when I heard it in the film. So, in the same way that I learned Black Sabbath riffs when I started playing guitar at 13, this girl learned a simple song by an artist she likes.
    It’s a terrible song, but not for the reasons you mentioned.

  9. GMac

    I just watched MONEYBALL. Again. For the fifth time. Love this film! And I like the kid. I read your open letter (barely, due to nausea) once. I will never read such vile drivel again. But, in a few months, I will watch MONEYBALL a sixth time. The only thing you’ve achieved, moron, is to create further argument for Internet censorship.

  10. After all these years, I can say this. You had some issues with the movie even before it’s produced- “the creative team did a better job than I thought they would do”, and you were that low to share your retarded point of view aiming the conception of the movie. Get a better job idiot.

  11. Anonymous

    Your a fuckwit

  12. Anonymous

    Wow, you are demented.

  13. Anonymous

    Pop culture does have AIDS, it’s called The Dilemma

  14. duckets

    this isn’t fiction. Billy Beane is real. Billy Beane has a daughter. Billy Beane made major life choices with his wife and daugher in mind. So the character of Billy Beane has a daughter in this movie and u can go f urself if u dont like that Billy Beane’s life doesn’t fit into what u think movies should be. It wasn’t a money decision when he turned down Boston, it was b/c moving east would be too much for his wife and daughter so of course shes going to be a character in this movie.

  15. Anonymous

    Oh yeah, & lyrics don’t have to rhyme. If you read poetry/lyricism beyond a 4th grade level you would know that.

  16. Anonymous

    The songs lyrics were metaphors for how Billy felt. Billy said in one of his last s need that he wasn’t able to get over/passed the loses, not ever. The song was a metaphor for how he felt inside. Listen to the lyrics of the song & research the movie before u criticize/verbally abuse a child the next time. Even if ur a sociopath who has no emotions, doesn’t mean others are as well. Billy was the lead character in Moneyball. It is pertinent to the story that the movies way gets have a glimpse into him. If u don’t like the emotions reflected in movies (like all movies), I suggest taking up sticking to reading the straight facts on your own rather than belittle that which your brain can’t comprehend (emotions-other than hate)

  17. Justme

    LOL hate brings hate. All you people write back to this guy how much hate you have for him. Nice lesson. By the way, the song really had no reason being in there. It wouldn’t made a difference if the daughter was in it or not.

    • Anonymous

      Learn to understand literature & you’ll understand that the song DID in fact have in part in the movie. The movie wasn’t a strict fact based movie. Who the hell would watch that when you could just read the facts in much less time

  18. Anonymous

    Wow man it sucks that u are so maliciously cynical. So your whole point is that a girl that is 12 cannot possess the depth and feeling of what a 30 yr old. That’s all well and good, but the beauty of that age is that it is so untainted by I’m sorry, but, the bullshit we live through everyday. Especially a girl from a divorced family that was split up at age 9. You are out of touch, delusional, and over critical. Focus your hatred on things that deserve it you judgmental slug!!!!

  19. Spyder117

    That was a very entertaining rant. Lol. These comments are rather redundant however. People are entitled to their opinions I guess and I’d rather hear something offensive or something I disagree with than the same old politically correct crap. If people just use the popular “candidate race” type responses, then we’re all the same boring person right? This guy posts a funny rant and immediately people start name calling. Lol. I don’t get that.

    Also, these replies could use a swear jar.

  20. dovetail

    I found this after watching the movie for the second time. I think I just didn’t pay attention the first time. this time when i saw the daughter and heard the song and all that I was like ‘obviously Billy Bean’s (sic) daughter didn’t write this or sing this at 12 or any age (though my favorite comments about your post are the people who are all ..you DO realize that this is a real song by australian blah blah..) It’s such manipulative bullshit. I’m saying this even though I cried a little during the goddamn song because my parents were divorced and I was 12 at one point. Anyway, you are so funny and what you wrote is so funny.

  21. Jay

    Hahaha, you are one psycho fuck! Simmer down there Tiger, and quit spewing out incoherent rants… As you try to mask your lack of intelligence by mashing together 3+ syllable diction that you clearly don’t understand. BTW, its a real fucking song stupid and she’s 13.
    Fortunately, something tells me you’ll be in jail soon for assaulting a clerk who accidentally short-changes you… And there will be one less rambling schitzo spreading hate on the internet. Then your only “Dilemma” will be which hole to take it in. Beat it loser.

  22. Ben

    Cunt you fuck ears. You are hateful, and also retarded. The girl is clearly abou 12 or 13. I can’t even be bothered to read any more of you demented rant. It’s a film, the other thing was a book, they’re not the same. Blah fucking blah!

    • Anonymous

      Ben, go suck a cock fucking annoying nerd. Blah fucking pop your zits, dumb mexican. This is why we should kick all the mexicans out of the US, go back to your poor little hovel. Shit bitch

  23. Andres

    You are a fucking cunt,

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  25. ugg

    Hello, i think that i saw you visited my website
    so i came to “return the favor”.I am trying to find things to improve my site!
    I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!

  26. Colin Cool

    Er, the song is a real song. She was singing it.

    Anyway, sometimes, in story telling, an author or a story teller will choose to humanize their character, even if it doesn’t advance the plot. This is partially because it can make their character feel more real, more believable, and the audience can empathize with them easier. It has nothing to do with trying to hit the widest possible audience, it’s just about making a character seem real.

    Sometimes, story tellers do things that aren’t critical to the overall, main plot or purpose of the primary story, but that are interesting. Sometimes, these moments even feel out of place in stories, but that is part of what makes those scenes memorable. Sometimes, the story teller was just trying to make a point in one particular scene without writing a whole new story to talk about it.

    Go read some classic literature; Catcher in the Rye. Lord of the Rings. Ordinary People. The Scarlet Letter. The Great Gatsby. Fahrenheit 451. Les Miserables.

    I 100% guarantee you that each of these stories has AT LEAST one scene which is not crucial to the overall plot of the story, but that servers a secondary purpose of humanizing a character or characters, of making a point, or just showing us something the author felt like telling us.

    And guess what? That’s okay. It doesn’t make them bad stories, and it doesn’t make those scenes bad scenes. It might make them unimportant in the grand scheme of the story, but that’s okay. And even then, that’s only up to your personal interpretation of the story!

    Point is, you… don’t get it. I hope you aren’t a writer or a critic by trade.

    • 1) You compared the inclusion of a terrible song in a movie set six years before the song was released to some of the great works of the English-language canon.
      2) You like Catcher in the Rye.
      3) The whole point of the argument against the song is that it DOESN’T serve to humanize anyone, the kid is NOT a developed character, it’s just dead weight that weakens the film and is only there because PRECOCIOUS YOUNGSTER YOU GUYS
      4) Seriously, you like Catcher in the Rye. I thought we were done with that phase, as a culture, by this point.

  27. Jordan

    The song she is singing is an actual song called the show by lenka so calm down a little.

  28. I am not sure that emotion is hate, you don’t hate her it seems, maybe it’s something else?It’s okay to be defensive but it’s not okay to put the blame on others, think about it seriously.

  29. Anonymous

    I really couldn’t give half a shit about what the girls purpose was in the movie, but I gotta say, I’m Rollin on the fuckin floor laughing at the rant. Classic man, thanks for gettin me outta the shitty mood I was in

    • douzpwa

      Unbelievable rant from an embittered person blaming others for faults or something that reminds them of something bad that happend in their own life!

  30. Lp

    I hate living in the same universe as the douchebag writing gay slurs over a post by some dork. Get a fucking life you losers

    • Anonymous

      U replied too. They’re defending a 13 yr old little girl from a verbal assault while u defend a obsessive douchebag who has nothing else to do, so he verbally abuses a child. Wonder how shitty of character you are to defend such a person who attacks a kid. Prayers for u & whatever demons u spawn.

      • How brave. Defending the honor of a fictional character.

      • Joe

        Nobody understands harsh humor, sarcasm, or hyperbole. Obviously he was annoyed and decided to turn it into a rant that might make a few people laugh. He does have a few good points, though I personally disagree with him overall in regards to the movie. I’m not saying that you have to agree with the author or like him (I don’t) but everyone calling him a psycho, schizo, (that’s how it’s spelled by the way) or worse (hypocritical gay slurs about not being a hater, racist remarks, etc.) are a BUNCH OF PSYCHOS WHO NEED MENTAL HELP! INSERT REDUNDANT CURSE WORDS HERE! Did I look like a hypocritical hater there? Well hopefully that example has inspired all of you crazy hypersensitive leftists, censorship advocates, and otherwise accounted for people with no backbone to understand humor, and that in America, there is a thing called free speech. He didn’t directly harm any real person with this post. So go away and quit violating your own free speech rights by inciting racial, sexual or other offensive language TO AN ACTUAL PERSON that very much allows for your own free speech rights to be questioned too, hypocrites. Again I state, I don’t like the article, but I’m not about to call 911 because my ego was fractured. SO ends my daily rant, deuces.

  31. Lp

    I’m so sorry for coming across this. Who the hell cares about any of this and the retarded comments about how this is funny. Go outside and do something

  32. Lp

    Shut the f&$) up you dork. Get a life

  33. breddaman

    The song is about a girl that that’s coming of age and realizes how much she needs her Dad. If you needed that explained to you, you obviously don’t have a daughter….or you’re a fucking idiot. i prefer to give you the benefit of the doubt.

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  35. Alastair

    Dear author,

    I have just finished reading your unbelievably funny analysis and now I am so impressed with your ability to gage that stupid add-in bitch (that Hollywood just threw in for the feel factor) that I would very much like to buy you a beer if I could an toast to your hilarity! You’ve made my day hahahahahaha cheers from Scotland!

  36. Stephanie

    Dilema, or pyscho with way too much time . I’m sorry I came across your Pyschopathic rant…. Please shut up and stop your serial killer urges! Wow ! Wtf did your parents do to you? Do everyone a favor and keep your psycho babble to your mom you live with or murdered 10 years ago but still talk to her and keep in your room, considering you’ve never had sex with anyone alive

  37. Anonymous

    Reading peoples comments about this article further reinforces the fact that people are fucking pussies who can’t understand a form of humor.

    Their replies are chock full of spelling errors. They start their reply by chastising the author for his name calling and shittiness towards a FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTER and then proceed to wish death and project hatred at him. Its almost fucking poetic.

    I hate living in the same universe as faggots like the majority of you. You are all cunts. Suck a dick in the corner while real people discuss this topic.

  38. Laura

    Erm, she’s not five she’s twelve they mention it when talking about cell phones, muppet!

  39. boyd crowder

    Eh, you didn’t even address the worst part where she sings about her Dad being so dumb. Of course he is an idiot for nearly making a decision that might ensure financial stability over saving her feelings. Even as a 5 year old she knows that Dad’s job doesn’t matter as long as he can support her guitar habit with his credit cards.

  40. troll hater

    I hate trolls like you! Seriously get a life or change the chanel, thats sort of crap is totaly uncalled for,

  41. Anonymous

    WOW REALLY..I think you had 1 to many vists from your daddy late at night…or maybe it was your mom..

  42. Adam

    I just laughed my ass off. I needed that. Honestly, I have a daughter approaching her age… and I write singery-songwritery stuff in my spare time so I’m sure i sniffled and smiled like a dork through the daughtery scenes. But yeah. Fun rant nonetheless. “You’re five…” Quality.

  43. Nahhhh

    Stfu god damnit. You like it or dont like it who gives a flying fuck

  44. Anonymous

    The song was the worst part of a good movie. Leave the guy alone. Oh
    yea–I’m all for coddling women, and telling them are diamonds.

    But in recent history, too many women have become money grubbing
    enemies of men. Harsh, but true. We see through the games, songs
    etc.—like never before.

  45. Anonymous

    Really? None of this ranting and raving by the lunatic who wrote it was necessary, regardless of free speech. It was obviously made by someone who has nothing better in life to do. So sad to be that miserable in life that you have to try and post such comments on the Internet to try to make others as miserable as you and such an embarrassment to those that know you.

  46. Phillip See More Hoffman

    A similar comment to this may have already been written, I don’t have the time to read through 100 something posts, but just to make you all aware that this critique is of A CHARACTER in a film (always check the disclaimer) and is SOMEONES OPINION so before you call someone ignorant or opinionated, they are completely entitled to it, I couldn’t care less who you are, or whether you are the mother of, or indeed the actress playing the CHARACTER. It’s not relevant! This person has had their say, take it or leave it.

    p.s. the internet has plenty of space for everybodys opinions, don’t waste your time trying to dismiss someone elses.

    p.p.s Bradd Pitts’ daughter was actually played by a hermaphrodite called Adeleh Deane.

  47. Kilted Savage

    Jesus H., hate much there sunshine? You go on a rant about a young actress playing a part in a movie and are foaming at the mouth? Listen, fucktard, I’m sure you think you’re offering up some witty but intelligent musings for the masses but it’s coming across as some pseudo-intellect craving attention, some sicko that has little girl issues(you called her a slut??) and a person who always got picked last in a baseball game because you were still at your mommy’s teet.

    I agree pop culture has AIDS but see Lady fuckin’ Gaga, Justin Bieber and the Twilight series along with total douchebags, like yourself, as the largest contributors. I go to movies to be entertained and can usually find one annoying character each time but, as an adult, I have the ability to ignore or overlook it and have never felt the need to hate, foam at the mouth or call “slut”.

    Grow up, hate less and try harder not to be a total fucking troll.

  48. #1. Casey Beane is real
    #2 She was 12-13 in 2002
    That is all . . .

  49. thomas

    LMFAO!!! WHo’s getting worked up here? 99 people who don’t understand “refined” sorts of humor, or general self-expression of opinions, that’s who. The kind of people who would join a witchhunt, try to convert you to their religion, or otherwise thibnk that Obama really brought about some kind of change. All the insults to the original poster just demonstrate the mental capacity of the readers. The girl WAS just a device and added nothing except for the warm-fuzzy factor, “oohhh, isn’t she jut soo adorable!”. Internet is great! it lets uninformed and idiotic people share their views with thousands of others. Hey wow! I can share my idiotic thoughts with like-minded readers like you!

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  51. Anonymous

    You should die.

  52. I’ve never responded to anything I’ve ever read on the Internet before, but your post really got to me. How can you have so much hate in yourself? I only saw your comments cause I was curious to see who sang that song origionly. Thought it was cute and catchy, but I digress. Do you think that Billy Beane’s real life daughter didn’t play a large part in his life and there for his movie? She is the reason that he turned down the offer by Boston. Why else would he turn it down? They had to include his daughter in the film but in a limited role so as to not take away from the rest of the movie. How do you feel they could of done this better?

  53. Anonymous

    It is a damn movie and you get this worked up over A LITTLE GIRL being in a movie. You obviously have some internal shit going on in your miniscule brain that you need to pick on a young girl. Holy shit, you need mental help

  54. Anonymous

    Your on the same list as the people who sell you fake shit on the jewelry channels.

  55. Tara

    Anything that you react strongly to is also inside of you, otherwise you wouldn’t react.

    Let go of the anger, man. It will only create more anger in your life to hold onto it.

  56. settle down, tards

    Wow, who knew that people who love sappy crap also love to hate on cynical blog writers? If you liked the daughter character, you probably also think movies like The Proposal and The Ugly Truth are pure gold, so you aren’t qualified to disperse your opinion on the internet. The guy was spot on. This character really watered down the whole movie and detracted from what it was supposed to be about.

  57. Anonymous

    I think they have all summed it up nicely!

  58. She

    Are you really so dumb as to not think that every person in life has to have a work/real life balance? This character enables us to see the conflict Beane feels dealing with the stress of work and then “The Show” he has to put on for his family (his child) so that she doesn’t have feel worried or stressed for her father. He works very hard to protect her from that all the while being in one of the most stressful situations of his career. How do you not see that? What are you, 12 yourself? Immature idiot who has never had to experience life or to have a real job ever. You’re way more annoying than this character could ever hope to be to you. Ugh!

  59. She

    Are you really so dumb as to think that every person in life has to have a work/real life balance? This character enables us to see the conflict Beane feels dealing with the stress of work and then “The Show” he has to put on for his family (his child) so that she doesn’t have feel worried or stressed for her father. He works very hard to protect her from that all the while being in one of the most stressful situations of his career. How do you not see that? What are you, 12 yourself? Immature idiot who has never had to experience life or to have a real job ever. You’re way more annoying than this character could ever hope to be to you. Ugh!

  60. justin

    Well considering the song is real, created and sang by a woman named Lenka (Lenka – The show.) They could have picked any song in the world, you’re critiquing it like Billy Beans daughter actually wrote it.

    I don’t see how she’s annoying anyway and to blog about it, or trash a movie over it. Having a daughter is a big part of your life, I most certainly believe she’d be with her dad at some part throughout the real life ordeal. It’s a MOVIE they have to add some feeling, sense of love and this is the route in which they took.

    Getting a little worked up over a movie, are we?

  61. guy

    Okay, clearly a lot of people offended by this post, but listen to this– I just rented Moneyball last night. I’m watching it right now. It’s paused, right now, as I type this, halfway through the first scene with Brad Pitt’s daughter where she plays her little song. I had to stop the movie because I hated what was going on so much. Hated it. I stopped the movie and Googled “billy beane’s daughter” to see if she really is the person who wrote that song, and found this page. And it made me feel better. Because this guy’s right– the character is annoying. Annoying enough to stop the movie and do a google search. I’m so glad she’s not real, because if that had been the case, I don’t think I’d be able to finish the movie.

  62. Anonymous

    For a movie you really didn’t like, you sure seem to have watched it over and over and over in order to analyze it in such detail. You must love watching baby seals get clubbed to death too !!! If you don’t like something, stop watching it. Problem solved.

  63. amanda

    WOW! Been a while since I have seen such stupidity! How ruthless and heartless can you be! You need help! How do you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror? PATHETIC! You make me sick!

  64. jordan

    Wow ur fuckin.g stupid.. How is she hateful? Ur hateful. And btw she dis not write that song its a real Freaking song by an artist named lenka I have seen her in concert quit being such a wierdo and get a life.

    • thosewhoknowme

      I disagree with you Jordan. The author is ripping on a concept not a little girl. The idea here is that America’s standard for excellence is based on the least amount of effort to make the most people happy, when in actuality because the standard is so low among everyone, really no one is happy. America is fine settling for less, and in the same breath, giving less. Hence America on a whole suffers. We are easing the pain rather then thriving on effort.

      To the Author. The fake daughter wasn’t 5. Retard.

  65. Anonymous

    To the author of this post:
    I don’t hate you, but I recognize you as an ignorant, arrogant fool. Billy listens to the song because he’s contemplating moving AWAY from his daughter to work for the Boston Red Sox. It absolutely fits the film and makes perfect sense. Maybe you’ll marry one day. Maybe you’l have kids. And then this will make sens to you. Until then you cannot understand because you don’t love anyone more than you love yourself….

  66. Anonymous

    I bet your mother had to reheat your dinner for you because you were too busy writing this ridiculous rant to come up from the basement and eat.

  67. kc

    Just watched this movie, and wanted to say you sir, are a fucking idiot. To let a character piss you off so bad that you need to break down song lyrics clearly shows you need a shrink.

  68. Anonymous

    You are a fucking moron. In the MOVIE you were watching, but clearly did not understand, Billy beane turns down an insane offer from the redsox to stay close to his daughter. Without her the movie doesn’t make sense. Your analysis is way off, stick to simple reality shows and teenage soap operas, dipshit

  69. EAS

    Your a total loser. It’s called a Hollywood movie. This is not a documentery, this is a movie dip shit

  70. Anonymous

    I laughed out loud. Thanks man.

  71. Anonymous

    hahhhaha.. this post is hilarious .. come on ppl!! have some sense of humour.. :D

  72. You're an idiot

    You’re an idiot. I love how you break down a real song that was not tailored for the movie. (other than the last line of the song). Apparently you do not understand its a movie. It’s not a documentary. Sure it’s based on a book about real events but it is a movie. Please tell me you don’t see every movie based on real events and lose your mind over all of them too. You are so dumb you deserve too. Hahahaha

  73. jejozi

    What a dick.

  74. REH

    The time it took to write this rant that no one cares about is the shame, not the character. Get over yourself and find something constructive to do. It’s a movie, who cares.

  75. Anonymous

    Her character is necessary b/c she’s she’s part of the reason he decide to stay in Oakland in real life.

  76. webdame

    i think that it’s hilarious that people thought you were serious about this. however, in the alternative, you do seem to have a lot of internal anger. have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist? it’s not good to have all that pent up anger. oh no, wait, you didn’t hold anything back. nevermind!

    rave on…

  77. coolhandjennie

    I don’t know what’s more hilarious, this post or the comments. I know absolutely nothing about the true-life events the movie is based on (which pretty much ensures I’ll enjoy it more than anyone who does because sometimes ignorance really is bliss), and I disagree with you about the fake daughter from a storytelling point of view – one of the things I liked most about her (besides the song, which I loved) was her LACK of precociousness – but I absolutely LOVE your post and the eloquence with which you express your rage.

    Also, I can’t believe that dude called you a “half-bread”, that’s probably the most offensive thing I’ve ever read on the internet, and I don’t even like carbs.

  78. Anonymous

    She didnt write the song.. It’s called the show, by Lenka, and she’s just singing it. It probably doesn’t even have anything to do with her. Maybe it was just the easiest thing to learn on a guitar

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  80. Joe

    Guess what sunshine, most popular movies have at least some sappiness in them because…. Most people like sappiness! Most people are not as cynical as you are. You probably don’t have children either, so you can’t find anything in the father/daughter relationship to relate to. I understand what you’re trying to say in your critique, but for you too be that annoyed this much by this little girl character in a movie shows more of problem with you than with the movie. You’re a negative person and that probably holds you back in life.

  81. Whojadaddy

    You’re a negative piece of shit. This is the last I will think of you.

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  83. Kevin

    Humorous commentary. Made me laugh. What made me laugh even more were the people who took your commentary seriously. LOL. Like anyone would write something like this seriously, come on people. This was a joke commentary written to make us laugh and smile. He did a good job. No one takes a movie this seriously. It was a joke. God people are over-sensitive.

  84. Anonymous

    Jeez–when did we all have to get so analytical !! It’s a movie for goodness sakes–some truth and some Hollywood–that’s all–whatever anyone thinks about is just their opinion{usually dictated by good or bad life experiences}-nothing has any meaning except what you give it–feel sorry for the guy who wrote this critique–quite an unhappy chap !!

  85. SJ

    I thought it was well written and laughed often through the whole read. I agree with him and again, his comments are on the character, not the actual actor.

    • The Dude

      The Dilemma is a hurt soul. Focus on improving yourself. Try to understand how you affect others with your deleterious comments if you truly want what’s best for everyone.

      • Anonymous

        Amen, brother. I’ve been trying to get him help for years. Not sure where it comes from… my best guesses are latent bisexuality or misplaced Holocaust guilt. I just hope he gets better about taking his meds, or at least stops mainlining smack. I’ll pencil you in for the intervention.

  86. Matt

    Tell us how you really feel?

  87. V

    Get a life and leave the rest of us alone – you are arude obnoxious arrogant idiot

  88. Laughing at stupid people

    Omg people lighten up… i thought it was hilarious and dead on! Do we really need to be forced to view this guy as a humanitarian? Do we need led by the hand and pointed twards our opinion of the main character? This shows that we as the viewers are viiiiiiewed as idiots that have to hold hands on the way to the potty so we dont get lost…. without the little girl pullin on our heart strings we might just have shit our pants….whatever! Great blog man… oh and i am all woman here and still didnt fall for the bs ;)

    • Not dead on. In fact, way, way off. Any idiot can write hateful snark, but very few can write entertaining movies. That is what really burns isn’t it? Somebody can make other people feel genuine emotions. Somebody can make other people cry real tears in a movie theater, and you can’t. Too bad your only talent is to play keyboard cowboy.

  89. The Truth

    This is utterly hilarious. Your analysis is spot on. Those leaving angry comments are the type of people who think Family Guy is offensive and should be taken off the air. I think you did a nice job highlighting the transparency of the reason for her existence in this film. Keep em comin.

  90. Anonymous

    wow…we sure do got some crazy people out here in this world…you must be on crack whoever wrote this article.

  91. Anonymous

    What an idiot.

  92. Fallon

    SERIOUSLY?! She is a child actress && she did an Amazing job in this movie! You must be some sort of pshyco!
    How can you say so many rude comments about this girl I’m sure you have never met! All she did was follow her script.
    And she wasn’t the one who wrote that song you dirty halfbread!
    Lay off a lil 10 yr old
    Don’t you have something better to do

  93. Anonymous

    hahahaha….. no but seriously you are a dumbshit!

  94. Our readers are maybe not the best at reading comprehension? I AM ADDRESSING A FICTIONAL CHARACTER, PEOPLE.

    • Anonymous

      Without the daughter in the movie, Brad wouldn’t have a reason to stay in Oakland. She isn’t there to humanize him, she is the reason he stayed. The song helps him rationalize his own thoughts. He is caught in the middle.

    • Anonymous

      Understood…which makes what you’ve said even more ridiculous. If you have that much anger towards a “fictional character”….wow, serious issues…very mature.

  95. Anonymous

    Jealous, and you are for sure BORDERLINE personality disorder
    HAHAHA loser, and I thought the song was adorable : )

  96. greta

    I hate to tell you, but this song she sings isn’t even hers, shes just singing a song from the future. Its not her own, it is probably a song the actress liked and knew how toplay,it has.meaning and how dare you say this sort of thing to a child!

  97. Anonymous

    You made a bigger deal out of this character then the movie did by like a million~

    Oh BTW I got bored and stopped reading a few lines in I scrolled down read a bit saw you were still on a rant and quit and wrote a comment, because really? I mean really?

  98. Anonymous

    You need to relax my man.

  99. Anonymous

    You are a complete idiot. You say things behind a keyboard because you don’t have the balls to say them in the real world. You are everything wrong with this world we all live in. A total ass hat. You make the jersey shore cast look intelligent.

  100. Jen

    I really needed this!!! Just watched the movie and couldn’t agree more! Lmao! I would love to hear your reviews on other movies!

  101. Anonymous

    You’re a douche.

  102. Anonymous

    Some people have way to much time on their hands.

  103. Anonymous

    Your a fucking idiot

  104. shaunte

    You’re and idiot. She is 12 and not 5 and you call her hateful as you’re spewing words full of hate. You are AIDS to humanity in general. You are everything wrong with the world. Bad language, hatred, revenge, you feel like you and what you think and believe is more important. . . Most important in this world when, really, it’s all non-sense. Who cares if she was put there to humanize him. Get over it. And the song playing at the end was a representation fo HIS emotions, and you are obviously male, or a heartless female, because ALL 12 year old girl (normal) girls are emotional like his daughter and would write a song like that, and you are not just insulting a character. She really wrote the song, so you are insulting a real person. Get a life.

  105. Loukesy

    That entire rant was…….FANTASTIC!!!!! Thank you!

  106. Anonymous

    You complain about the one thing you hate. Then write about it. Prolly still singing that song. And wearing skirts.

  107. Lilred me

    Hostile much?

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  110. Anonymous

    Your a fucking fag she’s like 12 quit complaining on the Internet where some people actually listen to you and get a life. And one more time fuck off

    • Musky Canadian Scent

      People listen to other people on the internet?!? Well then in that case, I COMMAND THE INTERNET HORDES TO FIND AND MURDER-BY-DONKEY-RAPE THE WRITER OF THE ABOVE POST. Job done!

      Also, I don’t appreciate your homophobic slur – shame on you stinky pants!

  111. Jay

    oh and btw…thx 4 wasting 3 minutes of my life

    • Musky Canadian Scent

      I’m pretty sure you can only thank yourself for spending three minutes reading and replying to a post on a blog out there on the internets.

      FWIW, he definitely needs psychological counseling. But you wouldn’t get in a fight with him in the street as he’d be in the bar – too busy drinking away the knowledge that people can actually get this worked up over a blog post.

  112. Jay

    wow man…seriously, you need some anger management/ psychological counseling. going off about some character in a movie the way you did is absurd and pathetic. i’m so sorry things in the movie weren’t “perfect” for you, but get the f*** over it kid. I’d hate to run across you in real life. You’d probably try to kill me if I accidently bumped into you on the street and then I’d have to defend myself and end up killing you. Eventually, I’d get arrested and then set free for self defense against a lunatic. It would be kind of fun but too much of a hassle.

  113. Niki

    Props for a well written article.
    100% agreed
    Queen Gorgo, a heroic Spartan woman from “300″ movie. The same pattern. The most annoying movie character ever.

  114. Steve.

    Lenka.
    Not that girl, not written by the movie writers, deal with it. Kinda worked up over a movie arent we?

  115. Anonymous

    It’s not her ( or the movies)song anyway. The song was written by an Australian artist Lenka.

  116. Anonymous

    So much hate. The movie is portraying a true person. That person has a life that evolves arount the story of the show. there are people that care for him and worry about him. He goes to the shops, stays in contacts with friends, goes to the shitter and has family in this world that he sees. Sure not all of these are necessary to create a good movie but the character as a real person needs to be real. So they used his daughter to create a sense of reality. she also brings Billy to show more about himself and his character through the various scenes. Aspects such as the fact he would bare the burden of his choices to the end while hiding his fear and uncertainty from others. This is emphasised in the scene where he gets his daughter icecream at home. Also she is used to show where his values in life truelly lie. The fact that he gave up such a huge cash offer to stay with the As and to be close to his daughter and his ideal of baseball could not be so powerful if the character simply just said no. There was need of turmoil and thought and reasoning to go into the choice he made and though subtle were strong in effect for a movie based on real life. There was need of a human being with feeling to be able to say no. The daughter does this and is a vital point of realism. Your calling her fake. Sure the daughter may have been someone completely different but she is a shadow of a non fictional person as are all the characters. they all belong in the story and give it the true feeling that it was real at some point in time. if you wanted something with story but no feeling put into it watch immortals. That is such a basic story line you will love it. No characters to make a person think understand and feel the meaning and sense of realism of it all. And really getting all worked up about a character in a movie that was based on a book that was based on real life is silly. it is third hand material and has all the poetic license of all who told the story before it.

  117. Anonymous

    And yet it’s OK for you to sail a banner that suggests Mike Tyson is hitting Lindsay Lohan, and Dick NIxon is giving it the thumbs up. It would seem you’re part of the problem for which you profess hate … as I’m fairly certain that never happened. Not literally. That’s the point of your diatribe, Isn’t it? That in portraying real people, a story has to abide by outright literal truth? Or, Is it just OK when you do it?

    • Ha ha ha ha ha. Congratulations, you win the award for most moronic comment in the history of the internet. And that’s really fucking saying something, even just on this post. Well done!

  118. Anonymous

    these “ass”holes commenting on your blog ARE aids.
    you are on point and totally correct.
    that dawsons creek style child intellectualism is so obnoxious and pretentious. totally ruined an otherwise decent movie. mediocre focus groups strike again. thanks shitbrains. and thanks for ruining so many different facets of art.

  119. Anonymous

    The fake-daughter story-line is the WORST! It is totally unnecessary and annoying and her dumb song is a real song from 2008 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_-qbbCsAeM) so is this fake daughter also some sort of time traveling psychic?

  120. Anonymous

    Did you not see the end of the movie??? Beane turned down 12.5 mm from the Red Sox to stay close to his daughter & finish what he started with the A’s. It gives him a realistic human quality, as a Father with morals & values, not just a baseball guy or a business man. Get a clue, seriously…

  121. Anonymous

    You are a dumbass!

  122. Anonymous

    How can you call someone fake and nonexistent when they actually do exist and are in fact real? You are a rumbaed!

  123. Anonymous

    First of all she isn’t 5, she’s 12! Secondly moment and show it do rhyme. It’s called an off rhyme: A partial or imperfect rhyme, often using assonance or consonance only, as in dry and died or grown and moon or in this case moment and show it. Also called half rhyme, near rhyme, oblique rhyme and slant rhyme. Rhyming isn’t just about having the same letters at the end of a word… if you took a basic English class you would know this.

  124. Anonymous

    I take it back. An ass is giving you too much credit

    • Sorry, Fake Billy Beane’s daughter. I didn’t know you read the blog. Thanks for the page views!

      • Anonymous

        Wow, you are an unintelligent douche who has NOTHING better or productive to do with your life besides take all that time to write that poorly written “article” thats based on douchebag hipster logic. You basically hated the fact that this movie got GREAT reviews and was LOVED by the majority of the people who saw it, so you decided to take a character in which you didn’t understand or know ANYTHING about and then tore her apart. I’m not really sure how you say she is fake when the daughter is a REAL person who had the SAME influence on Beane in REAL LIFE as she did in the MOVIE. The fact that you got so worked up over a movie character and wrote an “article” as long as this bashing her just shows how much of a pathetic LOSER you are.

        Oh, and I’m guessing that all of the anonymous comments agreeing with you are just you using different accounts or just not even signing in lol.

        You really need to get laid.
        .

      • Anonymous

        Typical shithole answer for a mental pygmy. Umm…errrr……you’re stupid. There, now we’re communicating at your level.

        It’s become painfully obvious to God and everyone that you’re nothing more than a sad little man still living in your mama’s basement, communicating to the world that scares you through this magic box. You sit surfing porn in your skid marked tighty whiteys and a pizza stained Air Supply muscle tee. You lash out at fake characters in movies, especially little girls as you have issues, which explains the ankle monitor you wear.

        Maybe one day you will grow up, pull your head out of your ass and realize your bizarre rantings serve no other purpose than to hide that you were picked on since the day you entered primary school. Now begone, cum guzzling cunt bucket.

  125. Anonymous

    You are an ass

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