War Horse Facts

The single bullet that killed the Red Baron was spat at him by WAR HORSE.

During the worst of the trench warfare, WAR HORSE was the only one who took the time to bury the dead.

During the famed Christmas Truce of 1914, WAR HORSE neighed Christmas carols for the German soldiers. Pitch perfect, of course.

WAR HORSE’s granddaughter incepted a message in Hitler’s dream that he should kill himself.

WAR HORSE led soldiers to Rin Tin Tin’s kennel. He sensed something magical about the pup.

WAR HORSE was a conscientious objector for both Vietnam and Iraq. He just knew better.

The first tank introduced at the Battle of the Somme was driven by WAR HORSE.

A bullet made from the preserved hoof of WAR HORSE killed Osama bin Laden.

WAR HORSE was impervious to flames of German origin.

WAR HORSE had himself circumcised to show his solidarity with Jewish Allied soldiers. The foreskin was then used to give shelter to the Lost Battalion during a fierce rain storm.

When World War I ended, WAR HORSE desperately tried to warn the powers that be that seeds of discontent were being sown in Germany and Russia, but the stupid humans couldn’t translate his neighs.

WAR HORSE’s hoof print is the largest signature on the Treaty of Versailles.

Despite spending every waking second plotting his death, the Kaiser secretly respected WAR HORSE, and spent lonely nights masturbating to his portrait.

Sergeant Stubby kept fucking up on the battlefield and pointing out German “spies” that were either corpses or logs. WAR HORSE covered for him.

WAR HORSE’s canter is three times as fast as Secretariat’s gallop. And has that pussy ever run through a hail of fire from Browning automatic rifles to recover a trove of stolen rations? No? Didn’t think so.

WAR HORSE’s great great great grandfather was the one who killed Catherine the Great and ensured her last moments were ecstatic.

Guess who Indiana Jones was riding in this scene? Fucking WAR HORSE, that’s who.

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Filed under Film Has AIDS, The Dilemma

One response to “War Horse Facts

  1. Pingback: 2 Idiots Discuss: The 2012 Oscars | Pop Culture Has AIDS

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