2 Idiots Debate: Veronica Mars and Kickstarter

Did you guys hear that there’s going to be a Veronica Mars movie? Because fans funded it on Kickstarter?

You did? Not news?

OK, well did you hear that two aging blog proprietors got all worked up about it and had an e-mail debate?

I THOUGHT NOT.

The Avengers is Our Star Wars

Sometimes, a generation lucks out and the blockbuster film franchise that dominates its time is the original Star Wars trilogy: ground-breaking, pulpy, fun, and all-encompassing. Sometimes, a generation reveals it has made some sort of pact with the devil that’s gone awry, and it gets a depressing, muddled catastrophe as its signature franchise — like, say, the Phantom Menace trilogy.

The current generation, however you want to define that, doesn’t have to quite plumb the depths of Jar Jar Binks and tiny pod-racking Anakin Skywalker, but it/we have it worse in some ways. The Avengers is clearly the film franchise that is going to define this era. Transformers may be more of its time, but also seems destined to fizzle out under Michael Bay’s incompetent watch. Harry Potter and Twilight are huge, but cater to niche (if insanely devoted) audiences. The 2010s are all about superheroes, and The Avengers are here to see that we grow more weary of them than we ever could have of light sabers or muscle-bound dudes with machine guns.

The Les Miserables Power Rankings

The Oscars may be behind us, but some of us can’t let the 2012 movie year go. (Maybe because some of are so far behind on movies that we’re still watching last year’s awards contenders.)

Which means that we still need to talk about Les Miserables, its successes and its (mostly) failures.

So let’s countdown the most and least valuable players involved with bringing this adaptation of Les Mis to the Silver Screen and to the Best Picture nominee list.

The 2013 Oscars Live Blog

As our readers know all too well, we can disappear without a trace like white bin Ladens. But if there’s anything sure to bring P.C.H.A. back to life, it’s the Oscars. The self-importance, the musical numbers, the dresses… how can we resist? So, live(ish), from two different continents, here’s the chat you’ve all been waiting for. Ladies and gentlemen, your hosts, David Simon Cowell and The Dilemma!

Pick the Real Quotes from Savages

I’m behind the times on this one, but I’m still trying to work my way through the 2012 movies I missed. And there wasn’t a movie all year quite like Savages.

Holy shit, what a wonderful, terrible film. The whole thing looks beautiful, from the shiny southern California landscape to the glossy actors to Oliver Stone’s polished camera moves. And its two-plus hours fly by in a rush of breezy, superficial entertainment.

But every word of this screenplay is a stinking, rotting animal carcass, piled on top of one another in a mountain of nauseous garbage death. Co-written by Stone, Shane Salerno (who helped write Armageddon!) and Don Winslow (who wrote the novel on which the film is based), Savages alternates between accepting that it’s cheap, crass pulp fiction, and aiming for some sort of wildly misplaced depth. Blake Lively narrates! And Riggins is there!

You need to watch this movie. You really do. You see, Lively has two boyfriends — Chon and Ben — and they all live together and grow pot and sell pot and are blissful until a mean old cartel comes and tries to put some muscle to them. But before you see it, take this little quiz and see if you can figure out which of these are actual quotes from Savages and which are made up:

The 10 Most Despicable People at the Golden Globes

Last night’s Golden Globes were actually fairly watchable, thanks almost entirely to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, who turned in one of the best awards-show hosting performances in recent memory. They managed to be funny, charming and even pointed at times, while avoiding Ricky Gervais’s “look at me, aren’t I naughty!” schtick. But there were so, so many terrible people at the Golden Globes! So many awful winners, nominees, presenters and innocent bystanders! Let’s count down the worst among them.

2013 Oscar Nominations: What a Difference a Year Makes

Last year at this time, when the 2012 Academy Award nominations were announced in an explosion of glitter and self-congratulatory 5 a.m. phone calls, I wept brittle, jagged tears.

In my professional responsibility as co-proprietor of Pop Culture Has AIDS, you see, I’m obligated to see every film that garners a major Oscar nomination. For you. I do it for you. So last year on this same morning, I came to the sickening realization that I would need to sit through:

• The Help
• Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
• Albert Nobbs
• The Artist
• The Iron Lady

And that was after already enduring the likes of WAR HORSE. Guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thankfully, this year’s burden isn’t nearly so heavy.

Mandy Patinkin’s Career Highlights

Season two of Homeland may have been divisive, even among the proprietors of this here blog, but one thing remained inarguable: the cranky wonder of Mandy Patinkin as Saul Berenger.

2 Idiots Discuss: 2012 In Movies

We’ve done music, we’ve done television, now it’s time for the Big Daddy of them all. Has David Simon Cowell caught up? Will The Dilemma name all three Channing Tatum movies? Let’s see.

The Best Product Placement in Skyfall

Skyfall, while an enjoyable enough (if strangely overrated) Bond film, is essentially a 143-minute commercial for various consumer goods and services.

Almost all big-budget studio films these days are replete with product placement, and Bond films in particular have always provided a warm bed for Corporate America (and Europe) to rest its weary head, but Skyfall is a little out of control.

Bond drives an Aston Martin, he rides in a Land Rover, he chases an Audi. He wears an Omega watch, uses a Sony VAIO, and drinks a Heineken.

But that’s just the obvious shit…the shit that’s sitting out in broad daylight. When you dig a little deeper, you find that every plot twist and character moment is a well-disguised advertisement for something.

The Year Of The Director

All of you P.C.H.A. devotees out there know that since our founding nearly three years (wow, time flies when you’re avoiding writing posts) the film landscape has been pretty barren. While there were some cinematic bright spots, in general they were few and far between. To wit, our Top Ten films last year included Mission Impossible:Ghost Protocol and The Adjustment Bureau; in 2010, Greenberg and Shutter Island made the list. Nothing against any of those films, but they aren’t evidence of a banner year. And it isn’t just us. The Best Picture Oscars of the P.C.H.A. era have so far gone to The King’s Speech and The Artist.

However, this year has at least offered a sense of promise that we haven’t had in some time. With a few exceptions (Martin Scorsese and Spike Jonze come to mind), most of today’s best known and most interesting directors have released films in 2012 (or will in the next six weeks). Throughout the year, we’ve at least been able to look forward to seeing top-notch talent add to their oeuvre.

So how’ve they done (and what do we have to still look forward to)? Let’s take a look.

The Problems with Looper

“A remarkable feat of imagination and execution, entertaining from start to finish…” — The AV Club

“A lean, mean, smart, violent picture with a bit of Stanley Kubrick edge…” — Salon

“A highflying, super-stylish science-fiction thriller that brings a fresh approach to mind-bending genre material…” — Los Angeles Times

I wanted to like Looper. I really did. And I thought I was going to, based on the slew of positive reviews from trusted sources. I liked Brick a lot, Rian Johnson’s first film and one that also starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt. And Johnson’s Breaking Bad episodes have been fantastic. I like intelligent, sci-fi/action hybrids, which is what Looper was marketed as. And I believe I’m on record as liking one Mr. Bruce Willis.

But Looper is not a good movie. In fact, I consider it the most disappointing film of 2012 so far. Spoilers ahead, obviously.

What to Make of this Star Wars News?

Everybody OK out there?

I’m not talking about Hurricane Sandy Cohen, but rather the collective force of the news cycle yesterday, when word broke that George Lucas sold the rights to the Star Wars franchise to Disney and that NBC has finally set a premiere date for Community season 4.

The combination of those two little nuggets ripped a gigantic hole in the internet and the resultant damage made Sandy look like nothing more than a trickle of Ewok tears. (What?)

Being of a certain age, I suppose that we should at least address the former of those news items. Another Star Wars trilogy? By Disney? With no George Lucas?

2 Idiots Discuss: The Dark Knight Trilogy

2012 will be remembered as the end. No, not of time as the Mayans predicted (we think), but of the most beloved, hyped, self-important, entertaining and influential comic book film trilogy ever, the Chris Nolan Batman series. From reruns of the campy ’60s television series, to the revelation of the Tim Burton films, to the abortion of the Joel Shumacher films, to the resurgence of the Nolan trilogy, Batman has been a part of Pop Culture for as long as P.C.H.A. can remember. And, even if the movie studio tries to cram a Spiderman-esque reboot down our throats, it’s likely it’ll be another generation before we see another original film take on the Dark Knight.

So, we thought we’d take stock of the Nolan trilogy, both on its own merits and on its place in the legacy of the most popular superhero of all time (suck it, Superman).

Bruce Willis Should Have Had a Better Career

Do you remember the rakish, charming scoundrel from Moonlighting? Or the scruffy, world-weary, reluctant hero from Die Hard? What happened to those guys?

I miss those guys. Especially when I see what we have now: a generic washed up action star. Where did it all go wrong for Bruce Willis?

Tony Scott: Better Than You Think

Director Tony Scott jumped off a bridge in Los Angeles yesterday, abruptly ending a career that’s more valuable than many realize.

Scott, the lesser loved brother of Ridley, made his bones as an action director and made a good number of detractors by helping shape how we think of action movies today.

Clint Eastwood Just Gets It, You Know?

Clint Eastwood is the fucking worst. We’re all in agreement there, yeah? We all think his Super Bowl commercial about “yay america and old-timey cars!” was reactionary bullshit. We all think Million Dollar Baby is one of the least impactful, most soap-operatic Oscar winners of all time, and hold a little extra special hate for it in our hearts because it was part of the chain reaction that led to Crash. We all think he’s a middle-of-the-road, pandering director who has become completely overrated despite a string of garbage movies like Space Cowboys and The Bridges of Madison County. We think he wins awards and everyone loves him because he’s an entrenched firmament in the Hollywood establishment, and there’s nothing Hollywood loves more than jerking itself off. We all think his wrinkled charm and gruff bravado as an actor wore thin like 40 years ago.

So we’re all on the same page? Good. Because:

Oh yes. This is happening. Clint Eastwood is starring in the movie that will show us all Moneyball is wrong.*

*Moneyball cannot actually be wrong because it is not a theory or a style of play, it is a nonfiction account of a general manager’s actions over the course of a season. Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone.

The PCHA Ballot for the Sight & Sound Poll

Every ten years, the world’s finest and most prestigious film critics vote in a poll for the ten greatest films ever made. The international film community waits with bated breath for the big reveal to see which films have moved up, disappeared or made a debut on the list. This year’s Sight & Sound poll was just released, and looks like this:

1. Vertigo (Hitchcock, 1958)
2. Citizen Kane (Welles, 1941)
3. Tokyo Story (Yasujiro Ozu, 1953)
4. The Rules of the Game (Jean Renoir, 1939)
5. Sunrise: A Song for Two Humans (F.W. Murnau, 1927)
6. 2001: A Space Odyssey (Stanley Kubrick, 1968)
7. The Searchers (John Ford, 1956)
8. Man with a Movie Camera (Dziga Vertov, 1929)
9. The Passion of Joan of Arc (Carl Th. Dreyer, 1927)
10. 8 ½ (Federico Fellini, 1963)

After five consecutive decades atop the list, Citizen Kane has been dethroned be Vertigo.As you can see from the list, critics prioritize films that have stood the test of time, important films, and films that were revolutionary or advanced the medium in some fashion.

For the first time in 2012, Pop Culture Has AIDS cast a ballot in this esteemed competition.

The Best Same-Named Songs & Movies

What is the best combination of film and song that share the same name? Now, I’m not talking about combinations where the song appears on the movie’s soundtrack (Purple Rain, Who’s That Girl?) or instances where the film was clearly named after the song (Blue Velvet) or vice versa (Badlands). I’m only interested in songs and movies that have absolutely nothing to do with each other except a shared title. Which great pieces of art serendipitously shared a name? Let’s find out.

Disqualified!

Shut (Klosterman) Up and Play the Hits

Last week, I caught a midnight screening of Shut Up and Play the Hits, Will Lovelace and Dylan Southern’s documentary capturing LCD Soundsystem’s final concert in Madison Square Garden and the ensuing day, as James Murphy makes his peace with the end of his band.

The late-night crowd, replete with LCD fans, was enthusiastic and the screening was entertaining.

The film itself nicely captured that swan-song performance as well as Murphy’s sadness and satisfaction in its aftermath. Any film featuring a full-length performance of “All My Friends” and a crowd-surfing Aziz Ansari has a lot going for it right out of the gate. But the documentary isn’t perfect.

A few minutes in, Murphy sits by himself at a café waiting to be interviewed, on what appears to be the day of the final show. His interrogator walks in, sits down, and begins talking…

Chris Eigeman: An Appreciation

We realize that the tone of this blog can get a little…acrid at times. (Our mission is to chart the collapse of American pop culture, after all.) So every now and then, as a cleansing, we like to write something positive about someone we like.

In past appreciations of actorly types, we’ve praised the versatility of Kim Dickens and Jere Burns. That’s not Chris Eigeman’s jam.

Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter Finally Defends Herself

Hiyee! What’s up you guys? I’m Billy Beane’s fake daughter from the movie Moneyball. You might know me from the movie! Or, you might know me because some jerk wrote this mean thing about me. I mean, as Stephanie from Full House would say on the reruns I watch on WGN because it’s 2002 in my world, “how rude!”

Anyway, the thing that this jerk wrote was a long time ago — like 9 months ago. That’s how much time it takes to make a baby! My fake Mom, Mrs. Beane, taught me that. But people are still so mad about the thing the jerk wrote that I thought I should say something to defend myself.

Should I strum this guitar while I talk, and maybe make it a song? No? OK.

Morgan Spurlock’s Done It Again!

Thank God for Morgan Spurlock, you guys.

First, he taught us that eating like some kind of demented, tapeworm-infested monster for a month straight would be bad for for our health. Without Morgan, who would know that eating a fucking Big Mac and fries three times a day could be harmful?

Now, Morgan is back to take a hard-hitting look at the world of male grooming.

Moonrise Kingdom and Wes Anderson’s Sublime Stasis

Wes Anderson’s style is as distinctive and recognizable as any filmmaker working today.

As Quentin Tarantino is to pop culture-laden banter and bare feet, so Anderson is to carefully framed shots, rich, colorful textures, a nostalgic ’60s/’70s atmosphere, and deadpan non sequiturs.

Every Wes Anderson movie is unmistakably his and no one else’s. He’s released seven features now, and not one of them could even charitably be called a departure. In fact, Fantastic Mr. Fox — which is both animated and significantly involved a collaborator (Noah Baumbach) — may be the most Wes Anderson film of them all. You never walk out of a Wes Anderson movie saying, “Wait, who was the director on that again?”

Now Moonrise Kingdom shows Anderson at the peak of his powers, though still firmly grounded in the techniques and idiosyncrasies that have come to define him.

The Angels Gave Us Scott Fitzgerald

…and then Baz Luhrmann dug up his grave, pulled his corpse out of the ground, and violated it repeatedly, horrifyingly, and in unimaginable ways.

Oh, mercy.