The Roots of the Red Sox Collapse

Welcome to Cheers Month, where we’ll be writing about Cheers throughout October to commemorate the 30th anniversary of its premiere.

I think I’ve finally traced the origins of the clubhouse cultural problem that’s currently haunting the Red Sox. You know — the beer and chicken culture that persists even after Josh Beckett got shipped to Los Angeles. Lester’s still there, after all. But now that I’ve found out how it began, the organization can begin taking steps to correct it. The evidence is right here:

Remember, after all, Sam “Mayday” Malone’s Red Sox career overlapped with some of the franchise’s worst failures (Game 7 of the 1975 World Series, 1978 pennant race collapse, the Boston Massacre), and Malone was notoriously boozing it up at the time. No doubt he was a terrible influence on Luis Tiant, Bill Lee, Mike Torrez, Carlton Fisk and the rest of the guys on the team.

 

Through the Grease-Filter: An Exposé of the Boston Red Sox

[Ed. Note: Our Boston insider, *Arriaga Pizzoza (*not his real name) spent the latter portion of 2011 researching the Boston Red Sox chicken-gate scandal, before running afowl of Big Brother and forced into exile. He filed this report back when it was still timely, but due to the southern hemisphere's lack of internet and postal service infrastructure, we only recently received this correspondence and forced one of our interns to retype it exactly as it appeared on the fast food wrappers he scribbled his notes on. Enjoy.]

Greetings fair reader and thank you for listening to my tale. Who am I? Well, I can’t tell you my real identity, but lets just say I have experience playing in and eating at the Boston Market.

Due to some trouble with the state of Rhode Island, I’m currently residing in an undisclosed South American village. What kind of trouble you ask? Let’s just say their tax department tried to “Sock” it to me, but the charges will never “ketchup” to me down here. Even if they try, they’ll have a “Reckoning” to deal with. Anyways, on to the story.