Hiyee! What’s up you guys? I’m Billy Beane’s fake daughter from the movie Moneyball. You might know me from the movie! Or, you might know me because some jerk wrote this mean thing about me. I mean, as Stephanie from Full House would say on the reruns I watch on WGN because it’s 2002 in my world, “how rude!”
Anyway, the thing that this jerk wrote was a long time ago — like 9 months ago. That’s how much time it takes to make a baby! My fake Mom, Mrs. Beane, taught me that. But people are still so mad about the thing the jerk wrote that I thought I should say something to defend myself.
Should I strum this guitar while I talk, and maybe make it a song? No? OK.