Tag Archives: Curt Schilling

A Requiem for 38 Studios

The Kingdoms of Amalur weep this day.

For 38 Studios — that testament to Mr. Heinz’s ample ego, that vanity project designed to show us that Curt Schilling is good at everything he triesis no more.

Don’t worry about Mr. Heinz. He’ll be OK. It’s not like he had any of his own millions invested. Schill will survive this.

The company’s employees, who were all laid off? They might not be OK. The state of Rhode Island, which loaned more than $100 million to spark job creation in a struggling economy, and will now never see that money again? Also, maybe not so much.

Mostly, though, I worry about the residents of the Kingdoms of Amalur.

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Curt Schilling Is A Welfare Case

Oh, Mr. Heinz. What hath God wrought?

Just a short time ago, you were living on easy street. You were the toast of the town. You were the perfect schmear of ketchup on a juicy cheeseburger: not too thick, not too thin, not too much, not too little, getting soaked up just enough by the bun.

You were a World Series champion, a local hero, and a respected Voice of the Game. You were an ambitious entrepreneur, launching your video game company 38 studios amid a dreamcloud of grand plans and breathless excitement. You seemed poised for a Senate run.

Times have changed.

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Curt Schilling Shilling For His Supper

Curt Schilling is an unmitigated monster. We know this. He’s entrenched on the unofficial Pop Culture Has AIDS Enemies List, and will be for as long as he’s unable to keep his yapper shut. (He’ll never be able to keep his yapper shut.)

Now, Schilling has sat down for a long interview with Tom Verducci to promote his forthcoming video game — and more importantly, himself. I wonder what Verducci had to do to score that elusive interview. Oh wait, I know — he just opened his apartment door to find Schilling pounding on it. (Schilling had stood on the street throwing rocks at Verducci’s window, but kept missing. He looked around in vain for an umpire to claim the rocks actually hit the window, but none were nearby.)

What’s new in the wonderful world of Curt Schilling’s irrepressible ego?

“I couldn’t love you more if you were my own reflection!”

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Curt Schilling is Confused

It’s not in me to feel sorry for Red Sox fans. It probably won’t ever happen. But if I weren’t biased to the point of being unhinged, I would probably feel a little bad for them right now. They just watched their team undergo a historic September collapse, they watched Boy Wonder Theo Epstein flee to the Cubs while they’re stuck with archvillain Larry Lucchino, and they’ve agonized over the team’s managerial search.

The clouds seemed to be parting when the Sox hired noted mustache enthusiast Bobby Valentine. If nothing else, at least they made a decision and could begin to move forward to 2012.

One problem: CURT SCHILLING DOESN’T WANT YOU TO MOVE FORWARD!

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Osama Bin Laden and Curt Schilling: Together at Last

When the United States finally killed Osama Bin Laden after a decade of failed attempts, I know what you guys were thinking:

This news story needs more Curt Schilling!

I have important things to say about world events

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Who Wants to Shut Curt Schilling’s Big Fat Mouth?

I can’t believe I’m about to jump in Bud Selig’s foxhole, but what the hell. Let’s do this…

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