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The May Surprise: A One-Act Play

INT. NEWT GINGRICH’S DEN – NIGHT

NEWT GINGRICH, REINCE PRIEBUS, JOHN BOEHNER and RICK SANTORUM lounge around Gingrich’s den on plush leather couches, smoking cigars and sipping brandy from snifters. They’ve gathered for their weekly tradition of watching Undercover Boss, then retiring to various corners of Gingrich’s estate with their regular prostitutes. The four gentlemen react with consternation when CBS News cuts into Undercover Boss (it’s the season finale), and then watch in silence as reports of Osama bin Laden’s death filter in. They watch President Obama speak, and then turn and walk away from the podium like a fucking badass.

REINCE

Fuck.

JOHN

Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

RICK

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

NEWT

MotherFUCKER.

They sit in silence and stare into their glasses for a while.

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