Now that we’ve come to grips with the fact that we live in a world where a Beastie Boy died of cancer, it’s time to move on in celebration. As with any celebrity death, the bright side of MCA’s passing was that it got us to revisit our Beasties albums, which include some of the great tracks in rap/rock history.
And the Beasties aren’t a band with a lack of classic tracks. Going for quality over quantity, they only released 5 albums in their first twenty years, but packed each of them with gems. Add in a couple of later, lesser albums, and you have more than enough for us to take our first stab at bringing our world-famous fantasy drafts to music.
As with our other fantasy drafts, the idea was to put together the best list possible, with an eye also to representing the Beasties career fully (one song per studio album was required). This also gives us a chance to take another look at the efforts of our favorite music video artist of all time (sorry, MJ).
We’ve been switching off the first pick, which means The Dilemma’s gets the blindingly obvious honors.
It’s time for another installment of our highly influential fantasy drafts, and this time around we turn our sharp, analytical minds and limited attention spans to the world of sports broadcasting.
Sports announcers are a constant thorn in the side of most sports fans – the vast majority of them detract from the game experience, rather than enhancing it. They’re there to:
a) tell us what’s happening — but we can figure that out for ourselves unless we’re idiots.
b) provide insight into why things are happening the way they are — but most announcers have the insight of a toilet seat.
c) add entertainment to the game — instead, they generally add irritation.
And that’s why we end up watching a lot of games on mute.
So, we’re each starting our own sports division on a major TV network. We need to pick a play-by-play and a color guy to do our baseball, football, and basketball games. (Neither of us watch enough hockey to know anything except that Doc Emrick is awesome.) In addition, we need to pick two guys for our studio team to anchor our sports coverage, and a useless sideline reporter to appease our numbskull viewers. The rules are pretty loose — we don’t need to keep strict definitions of play-by-play and color, since those roles are often fluid, but we do need to designate who’s the play-caller and who’s doing the analysis. We can pick radio announcers if we think they would be better at TV than current TV broadcasters.
Since The Dilemma picked first in the Bill Murray draft, David Simon Cowell’s up first today. Who’s our sports announcer Groundhog Day?
Unlike every other website in America, we’re not going to bore you with Pop Culture brackets to decide some question without an answer. How sophomoric! No, here at P.C.H.A., we use the best tools that modern metrics can offer… fantasy drafts.
As we proved with our SNL draft, this process puts to rest even the toughest macro debate. Now we see if it can even work on the micro level.
Over the past 30 years, Bill Murray has put together one of the best ouevres of any comic actor ever. But what are his best offerings? In this fantasy draft, we will try to compile the best six movie Bill Murray Film Festival, taking into account both quality and the range of his career.
Number One Draft Pick?
Two pop culture aficionados. One historic but deeply flawed television show. Dozens of improv comedians, breakout stars and abject failures. Children, we present the Pop Culture Has AIDS official Saturday Night Live fantasy draft.
David Simon Cowell and I each drafted a cast from among every SNL player and cast member of all-time. The goal: to cull the best possible cast and create the best possible imaginary version of SNL.
First overall pick?
- We each draft 10 cast members in a fantasy-sports-style snake draft.
- We must draft at least two female cast members.
- We must draft at least one non-Caucasian cast member.
- We must draft at least one Weekend Update host who actually performed those duties on the show.
- When evaluating our casts, the biggest factor is what each actor or actress did while on SNL; however, extracurricular activities and post-SNL careers can also be considered to a smaller degree.
- We must draft at least one cast member from each decade SNL was on the air, including the current decade.
Here we go. Party on, David Simon Cowell. Party on, Dilemma. (ugh)