[Ed. Note: Our Boston insider, *Arriaga Pizzoza (*not his real name) spent the latter portion of 2011 researching the Boston Red Sox chicken-gate scandal, before running afowl of Big Brother and forced into exile. He filed this report back when it was still timely, but due to the southern hemisphere's lack of internet and postal service infrastructure, we only recently received this correspondence and forced one of our interns to retype it exactly as it appeared on the fast food wrappers he scribbled his notes on. Enjoy.]
Greetings fair reader and thank you for listening to my tale. Who am I? Well, I can’t tell you my real identity, but lets just say I have experience playing in and eating at the Boston Market.
Due to some trouble with the state of Rhode Island, I’m currently residing in an undisclosed South American village. What kind of trouble you ask? Let’s just say their tax department tried to “Sock” it to me, but the charges will never “ketchup” to me down here. Even if they try, they’ll have a “Reckoning” to deal with. Anyways, on to the story.