To get ready for the 2012 baseball season, we’re looking at each team by way of a short story or one-act play. Why? Why the fuck not. Up next: the National League West, the last division standing.
1. San Francisco Giants (Predicted Finish: 88-64)
EXT. LAKE DEL VALLE – NIGHT
TIM LINCECUM and BARRY ZITO sit on the banks of Lake Del Valle near San Francisco, their jeans rolled up and their bare feet dangling in the cool water. They pass a joint between them in the quiet night, and they’re using rolled up $100 bills from Zito’s wallet to relight it. (Ed. Yes, we’re resorting to cheap shots here. Give us a break, we’re 10,000 fucking words deep into this thing and we’re starting to lose our minds.)