Believe it or not, we here at Pop Culture Has Aids are slightly lazy, and we also like to take pleasure in others’ misfortune. And with a year full of plenty of potential pop culture disasters a-comin’, our noses are quivering with the scent of easy articles. So, in addition to frilly man-thongs and bottles of Malort, here’s what I’d like Santa to leave under my tree tomorrow.
OK, that’s ridiculous. But, what can I say… sometimes it’s fun to pretend you’re Stephen A. Smith.
That’s not to say it’s wrong. In the limited way an NBA game can be important, tonight’s Game 5 is the most important there’s been in at least a decade. No, it’s not Game 7. But whoever wins tonight in Dallas is almost definitely going to win one of the next two in Miami (especially if Miami comes out ahead tonight). And for almost everybody involved, there’s alot on the line (OK, maybe not for Mike Miller… he’s going to suck regardless).
Filed under David Simon Cowell, Sports Has AIDS
I’ve finally figured out what bothers me about the Miami Heat. No, it’s not that their biggest stars spurned my beloved Bulls (I’m actually pretty happy about that in hindsight… our team is better anyway, and I’d rather follow likable players as they grow up). It’s not that the players decided they’d rather have the safety of each other’s company than build their own legacy. It’s not that it’s always a waste to have a relevant sports team in the worst sports city in the country.
No… it’s that the team perfectly encapsulates all that is wrong/annoying/disgusting about the worst generation since the Baby Boomers… the Millennial Generation (or Generation Y or Generation Next… whatever, all this shit is made up anyway).
They need constant reinforcement of how great they are.
To wit: they threw themselves a massive celebration before they’d even held a practice. They’re just so special that they needed to bask in the world’s adoration for signing multi-million dollar contracts.
When they don’t get it, they cry and blame the world.
Everybody knows that Chris Bosh will cry at the drop of a hat. It sure is easier than working on his game. But I think this pissy quote from Dwayne Wade after the Heat dropped their fourth straight (to the Bulls, no less) says it even better:
The world is better off because the Heat is losing.
That, cocksucker, is why you’re one of only three Chicagoans I actively hate… say hi to Oprah and Isaiah in hell.
Their parents are way too involved in their lives
LeBron gave up on the Celtics series last year because his mom fucked his teammate Delonte West, and wasn’t even smart enough to keep it quiet. Seems that she’s always been “hands on”.
I can’t wait for the Bulls to continue their rape of these idiots in the playoffs (if they can even get past the Knicks). Like Bart Simpson once said,
We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.
Filed under David Simon Cowell, Sports Has AIDS
David Simon Cowell
The Dilemma