Rick Sutcliffe: Immigration Enforcement Agent

Melky Cabrera took steroids. In God’s America. Should he be allowed to stay here, or should he have to pack his bags and go back to the Dominican Republic? Rick Sutcliffe, official representative of the U.S. Customs and Immigration Enforcement Agency, has an opinion:

You know, it makes you mad. First of all, this guy is over here in the United States on a working visa. He broke the law. What’s he doing still here? I mean, forget the 50-game suspension from baseball and whether he can come back if they make the players or not. Why’s he still here? That visa should be taken away, and he should not be allowed to play over here again, or work over here again, in my opinion.

Indeed, it does make you mad. Luckily, Rick Sutcliffe has the power to do something about it — because he’s an officially deputized Immigration Enforcement Agent.

‘Twas Ever Thus

Between Saturday and Sunday, we witnessed four NFL playoff games — two featuring bitter divisional rivals, one of which turned into a legitimately epic game. We saw a fairly major upset of the 14-2 Super Bowl favorite. We watched two compelling conference championship games get set up, one showcasing perhaps the single biggest rivalry in football.

ESPN.com’s above-the-fold headline Monday Morning?

Brett Favre Files Retirement Papers

This isn’t quite as bad as when Scott Boras announced during a World Series game that Alex Rodriguez had opted out of his Yankees contract, but can’t this depraved, attention-starved, washed-up cocktard let someone else have the spotlight for 20 minutes?

No? OK.

The Immovable Monolith Meets the Irredeemable Egomaniac

ESPN. LeBron James. THE DECISION. Tonight!

/chokes self out so I don’t have to be conscious while this airs