Has this been the worst week ever? Yes, thousands of people died in the Haitian earthquake last week, but don’t thousands of people die from something or other every week?
–Uno Chicago Grill filed for bankruptcy. I don’t care about all the knock-off chain Unos scattered around the country. They can burn. But Pizzeria Uno and Pizzeria Due are more than just sacred institutions in Chicago – they still provide the best pizza in the best pizza town in the world. Before I ever set foot in Chicago, I knew what lay at the corner of Ohio and Wabash.
–Robert B. Parker died. And we never even got to find out Spenser’s first name. The legacy of the Spenser books has been diminished somewhat by the mediocre ‘80s TV adaptation and by the inferior Sunny Randall and Jesse Stone novels, but there’s been no better long-term crime fiction character in the last half century.
–Franz Nicolay left The Hold Steady. Has the tide subtly shifted for my favorite current band? It’s hard to imagine Hold Steady songs without those sweet, sweeping keyboard fills. Given that their fourth album was a slight downgrade from their third, and that Craig Finn is working on Chuck Klosterman screenplay adaptations, I’m concerned for the future. Yes, I know I’m a huge hypocrite. Also, the mustache.
-An earthquake struck off the shore of the Cayman Islands. While no one died, the vacation home of The Dilemma’s in-laws was in peril. Fuck Haiti. (sidenote to God: please do not fuck Haiti.)
–We’ve seen the last of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and the Masturbating Bear. In the long run, yes, it’s probably better for Conan to get the hell away from NBC. And at least Leno is out of primetime. But the intellectual property loss really sucks, and it sucks even more that Jay gets what he wants.
-Avatar won Best Dramatic Picture at the Golden Globes, allowing James Cameron to speak Na’vi in front of a global audience.
-The Supreme Court ruled that corporations can now buy elections. Good luck, future Democrats!
-Jersey Shore’s first season came to an end. And we will never be able to recapture this magic again.
Is everything going to be OK? No, kids, it’s not. But at least we have this to get us through the weekend, via I Am Fuel, You Are Friends: