U Have Got 2 B Kidding

Prince has written and recorded a fight song for the Minnesota Vikings. This is something that has actually happened.

I love Prince. I love football. I even liked when Prince played the Super Bowl halftime show. But this is not OK.

Actual lyrics from the song, which actually exists:

r spirits may b tired
r bodies may b worn
but since this day is r destiny
r history – that’s y we must b
4ever strong as the wind that blows the Vikings’ horn
in the name of the purple and gold

First of all, Prince probably didn’t know what football was until he played the Super Bowl. I know Prince is a couple decades past musical relevance, but I still need him to be Prince. He’s supposed to be ethereal, mysterious, spiritual and creepily sexual. He’s not supposed to be a Brett Favre fan. And he’s certainly not supposed to be recording this generation’s B-grade version of The Super Bowl Shuffle. (And by the way, in Prince-speak, when did “r” become an acceptable substitute for “our” as well as “are”?)

Some things just aren’t supposed to happen. They’re too incongruous. I don’t want Prince to be a regular guy, eating Italian sausages at a tailgate before the Vikings/Lions game. This is like finding out Beyoncé and Jay-Z sit around at home in oversized sweatpants watching Two and a Half Men marathons on TBS.

I mean, just look at this:


What could Prince possible be thinking in that photo?

What is this strange and mystical game they call football? I like the tight pants. I would totally get wild with that offensive lineman. Or that cheerleader over there. Or that first down marker. Hmm…what’s the score? 17 2 3? Dearly beloved…we r gathered here today to celebrate this thing called the NFC Divisional Round. Jared Allen has a beautiful spirit.

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Filed under Music Has AIDS, Sports Has AIDS, The Dilemma

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