Another year of Super Bowl commercials have come and gone, and though general consensus seems to be that this was one of the weakest years for ads in recent memory, USA Today’s Ad-Meter still had a job to do.
So what can be gleaned from a carefully selected focus group turning a knob left and right during some commercials? Merely a deeper, richer understanding of American culture, mores and traditions. What have we ascertained in 2010?
Americans love cute animals. Holy fuck, do they ever. Four of the top ten rated ads featured adorable animals of one phylum or another (five if you consider talking babies a kind of animal – which I do).
Americans hate women. How else could you explain the 6.42 (out of 10) rating for the Dodge commercials in which men make all sorts of promises to their strict, humorless female overlords, if only they can just drive a Dodge? Or the 6.39 rating for the Bud Light ad in which a dude’s dude joins a chick’s book club only because they’re serving beer? Ha ha ha – stupid women and their stupid reading! Or the fact that Bridgestone’s “Your Tires or Your Wife” ad finished respectably in the middle of the pack? Sorry, ladies, America’s not really feeling you in 2010.
American has no interest in a 55-calorie beer. That’ll do, America. That’ll do.
Americans love abortion. The Tebow family’s much-ballyhooed pro-life spot finished 10th from the bottom. How dare you, America? Tim Tebow was almost aborted, then he wasn’t, then he grew up and made a promise that brought Urban Meyer a national championship. Giving this ad a low rating is tantamount to ripping our future heroes right out of their mothers’ vaginas. (Or maybe America just hates incest, and was really creeped out by the relationship between Timmy and his moms.)
America wants to see Alice in Wonderland more than Shutter Island. But WE AH DOOLY APPOINTED FEDERAL MAAAHSHAAALS!!!