Your Monday Morning Olympics Roundup

Thanks, Chet. Exciting action in Vancouver all weekend long, folks, as the good ol’ U S of A demonstrated its superiority on the slopes and the ice. In hockey, our boys in red, white and blue beat those maple-chuggers from Canada 5-3 in preliminary hockey, as we were all reminded why we used to care about that sport. Golden girl Lindsey Vonn took bronze in the super-G, a result which disappointed her, but which still made all of us back home proud. Meanwhile, in ice dancing, the creepy brother-sister duo of….wait a minute, hang on…

/cups hand to ear

What?

/squints at teleprompter

My God! Ladies and gentlemen, this just in…BONER IS MISSING!

Richard Stabone is missing! He was last seen in Vancouver on February 14, and did not board his flight back to the United States. Everybody — to the ground! We must rally and find this young man immediately. Fire up your shortwave radios, light your torches and take to the streets. The remainder of the Olympiad will be suspended indefinitely. Richard Stabone is missing. Repeat: Richard Sta-….wait, what?

/cups hand to ear

Repeat that.

/squints at teleprompter

Ladies and gentlemen, my apologies. It turns out Richard Stabone is safe and sound. This was all a prank orchestrated by Mike Seaver to get out of a field trip to the modern art museum. He was helped by accomplice Eddie.


Disclaimer: We at Pop Culture Has AIDS, Inc. are all deeply concerned about the well-being of Mr. Stabone.

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Filed under Sports Has AIDS, Television Has AIDS, The Dilemma

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