Lost: I Can’t Feel Anything

What ridiculous, soapy machinations will Lost use to keep Sun and Jin apart this week? Will they cross paths in the jungle? Will one of them trip and fall just as they’re about to embrace? Will Sun see Jin from behind, but not realize it’s him? Will Jin be bending down to tie his show when Sun walks by and not see her? Will one of them get amnesia while the other starts travelling through time again?

Find out — after the jump.

I don’t quite know what to make of this episode. I loved aspects of it, and was quite frustrated by others.

Because I’m a generous guy, let’s start it with a positive jam.

The Good

  • Desmond’s back! Of course, that means his happy ending with Penny is delayed at best and destroyed at worst, which is pretty terrifying. But whatever — Desmond’s back! See you in the next episode, brother.
  • Bad-ass Sayid’s back! The only thing missing from the scene when he was swimming in the dark was a knife between his teeth. I also enjoy his newfound emotional numbness, and slight bemusement about said condition.
  • Just when episodes have been at their most exasperating this season, the show’s been able to deliver some stellar emotional moments, like Richard and Isabella’s Ghost-ing last week and Jin looking at pictures of his daughter for the first time this week, or Jack’s son playing the piano so beautifully (just kidding about that last one). Damn you, Lost. You also know exactly when to tug on the heartstrings. I can’t stay mad at you.
  • Lost continues to scramble to fill the giant cleavage void caused by Juliet’s departure. This episode’s director contributed nicely with a completely gratuitous shot of Sun’s bra.
  • The showdown between Smoke Locke and Widmore was well-played by both actors, and can be added to the long lineage of scenes in this show’s history that allude to a coming war. (Though, the war should probably hurry up, shouldn’t it? Does the war realize there are only a few episodes left?)
  • Dart attacks are always, always welcome.

The, Uh, Vexing (whoa whoa whoa, we gotta stay positive)

  • The aforementioned plot mechanics required to keep Sun and Jin apart. This has been going on for two full seasons now, guys. Lost is becoming like The Patty Duke Show, or any of those shows where one actor played two characters, and writers had to continually find excuses for them not to be in the same room together. Jin’s going to find Sun — oh no, wait, he’s been darted and taken to hydra island. Sun’s going to find Jin — oh no, wait, she’s running from Locke and ran straight into a tree (which was hilariously awesome, by the way). Now, we get to be frustrated in two timelines, as it looks like Sun and/or her baby might die in the parallel universe (the Teri Bauer ending).
  • The fabricated obstacle of language barriers. In season one, Sun and Jin’s inability to speak English was brilliantly used to further isolate two characters who already felt isolated from the group, and it led to paranoia and violence. Later, when we learned of Sun’s fluency, it was representative of the two characters keeping secrets from each other. As the show went along, the writers wisely allowed Jin to learn English and all language barriers were removed. Until now. Sun hitting her head on a tree branch and forgetting to speak English might be the single silliest plot development this show has ever resorted to. Both that and her inability to speak English in the alternate timeline are being used as cheap, lazy gimmicks to prevent characters from talking to each other and understanding each other. It’s beneath Lost. It really is.
  • Still don’t care a lick about the alternate timeline. Don’t care if Sun dies. Don’t care that she’s pregnant. Do. Not. Care.
  • Lost Writer 1: “We’ve gotten a lot of e-mails lately asking for an explanation about that brainwashing room.” Carlton Cuse: “Ah, fuck, I forgot about that. Just say it was a Dharma experiment. That’s how we explained away the polar bears and a bunch of other shit, right?” Lost Writer 1: “You got it, boss!”

Rose and Bernard Annoyance Level: 0! An episode of Lost without Rose and Bernard is like nature without bear attacks and tornadoes. Like the circus without clowns, the stench of urine, or animal cruelty. Like vaginas without the tiny teeth inside them.

Hey! It’s That Other! It’s Mikhail! And he still ends up losing an eye! What a coinky-dink! Zzzzzzzz……

New Questions: What to make of Widmore’s claim that if Smoke Locke leaves the island, everyone we love will “cease to be”? Is this some kind of hint to what the alternate timeline is or isn’t?

Answers: Well, we know that Desmond was locked in the sub. And that Room 23 was completely unimportant, and wondering about it was a waste of our time. And we learned that Widmore kinda, sorta knows something about the Smoke Monster, but only through myth and jungle whispers.

Potential Lost Spinoff of the Week: Lost Russian Roulette. Live footage of a Lost fan watching the show each week, holding a gun with one bullet in the cylinder. Whenever two characters have a vague conversation that hints at important answers but then completely avoids them, watch with baited breath as the fan spins the cylinder, aims the gun at his temple, and pulls the trigger. Available soon on ABC Online and as an extra with the Lost Season Six DVDs. Rated MA (Mature Audience only).

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1 Comment

Filed under Television Has AIDS, The Dilemma

One response to “Lost: I Can’t Feel Anything

  1. I am sick of Jin and Sun in the first place. I’m almost secretly rooting them to not meet on the island, ugh!

    I hear you on tonight’s episode.

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