This Week In Politics

After the post-health care hangover, the lull that inevitably comes from regrouping after a hard fight, politics seems to be getting interesting again. The primary season is coming to an end, which means the beginning of the fall’s hottest drama, “How Stupid Are The American People?” Or maybe it’s a comedy.

The Teabagger: I love the Teapartiers… they’re a nice rebrand of Ross Perot’s nuttiness with oaky hints of David Duke and Pat Buchanan. The King of the movement, of course, is that kooky Ron Paul, the only man less qualified to be President than Dennis Kucinich. And it’s looking like the Prince, Rand Paul, will actually be Kentucky’s senator come November (currently a 62% favorite on 538.com).

But wait a second… seems like Prince Paul might not be the God Warrior that one would expect from Tea Party royalty. GQ has done a piece on his nebulous college experience, and not all the news is good. It’s not that Mr. Paul apparently never got a Bachelor’s degree from Baylor, but still got admitted to Duke Medical School… we here at P.C.H.A. can appreciate that kind of academic manipulation. But he was also a member of the NoZe Brotherhood, an ersatz Skull and Crossbones that aspired to tweak the ultra-Baptist administration and student body. A female student claims that Paul and another brother:

came to my house, they knocked on my door, and then they blindfolded me, tied me up, and put me in their car. They took me to their apartment and tried to force me to take bong hits. They’d been smoking pot. They told me their god was ‘Aqua Buddha’ and that I needed to bow down and worship him. They blindfolded me and made me bow down to ‘Aqua Buddha’ in the creek. I had to say, ‘I worship you Aqua Buddha, I worship you.’ At Baylor, there were people actively going around trying to save you and we had to go to chapel, so worshiping idols was a big no-no.

OK, that’s kind of funny. If only he’d do it to Sarah Palin too, I might contribute.

Good God… That’s Linda McMahon’s Music!: Those kooky voters of Connecticut, the state that gave us The Dilemma and, uh, hmmm, nutmeg, are challenging Kentucky for Craziest Senator 2010. Linda McMahon, who until recently ran the WWE with her husband Vince, spent $26 million to win the Republican nomination. Even though it’s considered a safe seat for the Democrats, she’s ready to spend $50 million in the general election.

First of all, how much fucking money have the McMahon’s made on wrestling? I knew that they were well-off, but able to piss away $75 million dollars on a losing campaign? And that’s after paying for all the steroids and hair grease. And secondly, how could any voter pull the lever for anybody who tried to fire the great Jim Ross?

Hunting for Quayle: It’s been a busy year for political nepotism. After the coke-hound son of a President became a two-term President himself, every aging politician apparently decided their fuck-up kid could have a future. In addition to Paul, Dan Quayle’s son Ben is a Republican candidate for Representative in Arizona.

Seems that the 33-year-old Quayle was one of the original backers and contributers to DirtyScottsdale.Com, which became TheDirty.Com, the sleaziest website this side of porn. He recently admitted it after days of denials. According to the site’s founder, Nik Ritchie, Quayle posted under the name Brock Landers, and had a column called Brock’s Chicks to find the hottest girl in Scottsdale. A snippet:

The Arizona legislature recently passed a bill that forbids me and this young lady from being an item because we’re too good looking. The debate surrounding this bill was very heated because our classic good looks are polarizing, but I understand they’re line of thinking. If we were to be seen together, our level of attractiveness would be a combined 142–and that’s on a scale of 1-to-5. There is a distinct possibility that persons in the general public would keel over and die from being inundated with such a high level of concentrated beauty. So, for the good of the public health, it is probably better if this lovely lady and I stay apart. I think we both deserve some sort of medal.

Seems like more of a Tuscon D-Bag, but whatever. He’ll fit in great in Congress.

The Angry Inch: In his increasingly desperate attempts to keep his face on TMZ, Levi Johnson has decided to take a reality TV crew back to Wasilla and run for mayor. Yawn.

R.I.P. Both Ted Stevens and Dan Rostenkowski recently died. St. Peter should watch his wallet.

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Filed under David Simon Cowell, Politics Has AIDS

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