The great thing about life is that it’s full of surprises. I always thought that the Insane Clown Posse was one of the most worthless bands in the history of music. For nearly two decades, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope have been plying their brand of horrorcore rap for those who find Kid Rock too urbane and the WWE elitist. Their shows draw brain-damaged dropouts who love to dress up in clown makeup and spray Faygo soda at each other. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard a song of theirs… maybe I’ve misjudged.
So where does my recently discovered soft-spot for I.C.P. come from? This past weekend, the 11th annual Gathering of the Juggalos was held in Cave-In-Rock, IL. In between such acts as Twiztid, Blaze Ya Dead Homie, and Axe Murder Boys, the organizers gave a slot to Tila Tequila. Well, the Juggalos weren’t happy.
According to Ms. Tequila, who wasn’t too devastated to sell her story and photos to TMZ:
I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw fire crackers on stage, and they even took the shit out of the port-0-potty and threw shit and piss at me when I was onstage. These people were trying to kill me. So then after the last blow to my head with the firecracker they threw at me exploded, my bodygaurd and the other security grabbed me and ran as fast as they could to the shitty trailor. Since their security SUCKS, the 2 thousand people ran after us, trying to kill me. They almost got me so they finally reach the trailor, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailor and busts the windows!!! Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking! Their hands were shaking cuz they were so scared! So 3 guys inside the trailor had to grab a table and push it over the broken windows and grabbed all the chairs they could find so hold the people from outside back. It was scary as hell!
What Tequila forgets to mention? Once she realized that her horrible singing wasn’t winning over the crowd, her response… was to take off her shirt and flash her breasts. Because when a crowd of socially stunted virgins is throwing things at you (including a watermelon that had been soaked for two days in urine and feces… now that’s dedication), the best thing to do is a Girls Gone Wild impression. But what do you expect from a 28-year-old whore whose claim to fame is starring in a reality show where she alternates between sleeping with men and women and whose latest single is “I Fucked The DJ”?
Kudos to the Juggalos for forming the only proper response to being forced to listen to a reality star sing. Hopefully it’s only the beginning of a revolt against Internet and Cable “Celebrities”.
However, I do wonder if I.C.P. is the worst white rap group in the world.