Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

On September 27, 1992:

I was 16 years old (and still a virgin).

Sasha Grey was 4 years old (and, presumably, still a virgin).

If you wanted to flirt by sending a picture of your junk, you needed a Polaroid camera and a trip to the post office.

In a related note, this was a bad-ass cell phone:

People were flocking to the movie theaters to see this:

In a related note, you had to go to the creepy video store by the highway if you wanted to watch porn.

Music was awesome… Blind Melon and Broken by Nine Inch Nails were released that week… Dirt by Alice In Chains and Core by Stone Temple Pilots the next… “End of the Road” by Boyz II Men was in the middle of its 13-week run at Number One…

In a related note, then-fetus Miley Cyrus’ dad Billy Ray was the star in the family, with his album Some Gave All in the midst of its 17-week run at Number One (wait, WHAT?!?)

Barack Obama had started his new job as a Lecturer at the University of Chicago.

John Boehner had just disenfranchised his first black person (just kidding… that was way earlier).

And a scrappy unknown pigfucker from bumfuck Mississippi stripped off his overalls and started his first NFL game, armed with nothing but a wheelbarrow full of moxie and a cocked love cannon.

Congratulations, Tavaris… see ya as a trivia question in ten years.


Leave a comment

Filed under David Simon Cowell, Sports Has AIDS

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s