The Millennial Generation Team

I’ve finally figured out what bothers me about the Miami Heat. No, it’s not that their biggest stars spurned my beloved Bulls (I’m actually pretty happy about that in hindsight… our team is better anyway, and I’d rather follow likable players as they grow up). It’s not that the players decided they’d rather have the safety of each other’s company than build their own legacy. It’s not that it’s always a waste to have a relevant sports team in the worst sports city in the country.

No… it’s that the team perfectly encapsulates all that is wrong/annoying/disgusting about the worst generation since the Baby Boomers… the Millennial Generation (or Generation Y or Generation Next… whatever, all this shit is made up anyway).

They need constant reinforcement of how great they are.

To wit: they threw themselves a massive celebration before they’d even held a practice. They’re just so special that they needed to bask in the world’s adoration for signing multi-million dollar contracts.

When they don’t get it, they cry and blame the world.

Everybody knows that Chris Bosh will cry at the drop of a hat. It sure is easier than working on his game. But I think this pissy quote from Dwayne Wade after the Heat dropped their fourth straight (to the Bulls, no less) says it even better:

The world is better off because the Heat is losing.

That, cocksucker, is why you’re one of only three Chicagoans I actively hate… say hi to Oprah and Isaiah in hell.

Their parents are way too involved in their lives

LeBron gave up on the Celtics series last year because his mom fucked his teammate Delonte West, and wasn’t even smart enough to keep it quiet. Seems that she’s always been “hands on”.

I can’t wait for the Bulls to continue their rape of these idiots in the playoffs (if they can even get past the Knicks). Like Bart Simpson once said,

We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.

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2 Comments

Filed under David Simon Cowell, Sports Has AIDS

2 responses to “The Millennial Generation Team

  1. Pingback: Santa Baby: My 2012 Pop Culture Gift List | Pop Culture Has AIDS

  2. Pingback: Best Basketball Season Ever | Pop Culture Has AIDS

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