I’ve never watched an entire episode of American Idol.
I say this not to brag about my cultural elitism. I listen to Billy Joel and Ace of Base. I watch How I Met Your Mother and Gossip Girl. I read trashy detective fiction. I play fantasy football. I’m a man of the people.
No, I say this because American Idol is utter garbage. When Joel McHale introduces Idol clips on The Soup as “This Week in Karaoke News,” he’s not exaggerating. American Idol is a bunch of mostly subpar singers/fame whores performing awful songs over cheesy canned music. And that would be fine, if it were a show watched exclusively by 12-year-old girls. I don’t begrudge Justin Bieber or The Jonas Brothers their success. What kills me about Idol is that adults watch it. Normal people watch it. My friends (all of whom should know better) watch it. This wasn’t OK in the Kelly Clarkson/Ruben Studdard era, and it’s not OK now. It’s a terrible, terrible television program.
And now I have all the evidence I need:
I think David Simon Cowell and I have stated a few times on this blog that Kurt Cobain made the right choice when he killed himself, and I’ve never been more sure of that than after watching that video. Jesus fucking Christ. Whomever is controlling the Nirvana catalog these days should be shot for allowing this war crime to happen.
When Courtney Love sold a share of the rights to Nirvana’s music to something called Primary Wave Records, she said: “We are going to remain very tasteful and true to the spirit of Nirvana while taking the music to places it has never been before.” Judging by the performance above, I will grant her that half that statement is true.
Look, I know it’s 2011. The ’60s are dead. Nothing is pure. Bob Dylan songs are in Victoria’s Secret commercials. There are no lines that can’t be crossed in terms of desecrating that which we used to hold sacred. I get it.
BUT COME THE FUCK ON!