A Sincere Apology to Mississippi

Ugh, I feel sick about this, Mississippi. I really do. My bad.

I am beyond sorry for the way I libelled you when I called Arizona the best state in the country. I didn’t even mention you as a contender, Mississippi. What was I thinking? I must have been drunk that day. You are indeed the best state, fellas. And you’ve staked your claim with authority.

Definitely the best flag too

A recent poll showed that 46 percent of Mississippi Republicans believe interracial marriage should be illegal.

It’s 2011.

Not gay marriage. God knows they’re against that. (God himself is against it too, obviously.) Interracial marriage. Black dudes and white chicks. White dudes and black chicks. Vietnamese dudes and Bolivian chicks. Illegal, y’all.

Here are some other things that Mississippians think should be illegal:

  • Being black
  • Being black and free
  • Taking the Lord’s name in vain
  • Women’s right to say no to sex
  • Challah bread
  • Buddhism
  • Dancing
  • Vaginas
  • Computers
  • Delight (sounds too gay)
  • Having sex with people who are not blood relations
  • Intelligence

Let’s take Mississippi’s Waffle Houses away from them, and move them all north. That state doesn’t deserve them.

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