Finally, A Voice Of Reason

One of the more embarrassing things about being an American is that our politicians aren’t only the leaders in doing nothing about global warming, but a good number of them don’t even think it’s a thing. That some evil cabal of economy-destroying commies have created it out of whole cloth in order to destroy our pickup-truck-driving, air-conditioning-the-patio, desert-lawn-watering nirvana. Just because Al Gore, and literally every single reputable scientist on Earth, shows you facts and data, that means we should dial back on fossil fuels?

You have morons like 17-year Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe:

With all of the hysteria, all of the fear, all of the phony science, could it be that man-made global warming is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people? It sure sounds like it.

Or Best-President-Ever George W. Bush:

Some of the scientists, I believe, haven’t they been changing their opinion a little bit on global warming? There’s a lot of differing opinions and before we react I think it’s best to have the full accounting, full understanding of what’s taking place.

Or Fox “News” screaming head Sean Hannity:

Here’s what I don’t understand. [2009] is one of the coldest years on record, ladies and gentlemen. There is no — I don’t believe climate change is real. I think this is global warming hysteria and alarmism. Ed. Note: 2009 was actually the fifth-warmest year ever recorded… regardless of how much snow Hannity’s manservants shoveled.

When the other leaders of the developed world are at least trying to find a workable solution to global warming, and the leaders of developing countries are wondering why they have to act first when the U.S. accounts for 25% of pollution (with 4% of the population), we still have to argue with hicks about whether something is even going on. Which, of course, keeps any action from occuring. Which, of course, is what people like Inhofe, Bush and Hannity want.

Finally, though, a voice has come from the wilderness to speak the truth.

After 20 years of silence, raconteur, mass murderer and Guns n’ Roses songwriter Charles Manson has decided to show us the errors of our ways.

Everyone’s God and if we don’t wake up to that there’s going to be no weather because our polar caps are melting because we’re doing bad things to the atmosphere. If we don’t change that as rapidly as I’m speaking to you now, if we don’t put the green back on the planet and put the trees back that we’ve butchered, if we don’t go to war against the problem…

Manson didn’t finish his thought, but I’m guessing it ends with blood on the wall and Helter Skelter. The worst thing is… it’s less crazy than some of the shit said by members of Congress on the subject.

Now, I’m not saying that Manson deserves mercy, just because he isn’t as stupid as some of our elected officials when it comes to global warming. He did oversee the murders of at least 8 people… he deserves punishment. But let’s face it… Lisa Jackson, while a nice lady, hasn’t been effective at getting through to Congress about how dire our environmental situation is. Let’s punish Charlie by making him deal with those idiots, and finally have somebody at the E.P.A. ready to kick some ass and take no prisoners (literally).

Republican Senator: Now, Mr. Manson, I have yet to see any definitive proof that our massive pouring of carbon into the atmosphere has had any effect on the finite, closed climate system of Earth.

E.P.A. Director Charles M. Manson: These children that come at you with knives, they are your children. You taught them. I didn’t teach them. I just tried to help them stand up.

Senator: Sir, are you telling the American people that our god-granted dominion over the Earth is a myth? Are you calling Oral Roberts a liar, sir?

MansonI can’t judge any of you. I have no malice against you and no ribbons for you. But I think that it is high time that you all start looking at yourselves, and judging the lie that you live in.

Senator: Will you finally, at long last, admit that global warming is just the final part of the plot hatched 50 years ago in Indonesia, when a shadowy anti-American cabal started their Manchurian candidate on his road to the White House?

Manson: I can’t dislike you, but I will say this to you: you haven’t got long before you are all going to kill yourselves, because you are all crazy. And you can project it back at me … but I am only what lives inside each and every one of you.

Let’s fix the E.P.A. and torture Charlie Manson at the same time… it’s not like he could do any worse of a job than the Obama administration is already doing.


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Filed under David Simon Cowell, Politics Has AIDS

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