Osama Bin Laden and Curt Schilling: Together at Last

When the United States finally killed Osama Bin Laden after a decade of failed attempts, I know what you guys were thinking:

This news story needs more Curt Schilling!

I have important things to say about world events

Craig Calcaterra has the details.

The gist: Schilling called a talk radio station and expressed his horror and dissatisfaction that the U.S. buried bin Laden’s body at sea. Quoth the Schill:

“I’m pissed because I can’t fathom why we would honor the Muslim traditions for a guy who Muslims have been telling us for 10 years doesn’t represent the true Muslim faith. And our government has been telling us the same thing. Who were they worried about offending? Radical Muslims?”

My favorite thing about this quote: the implication that bin Laden actually does represent the Muslim faith, and that our government has been lying to us lo these many years. Schilling also said giving bin Laden a proper burial is akin to calling Adolf Hitler a Christian. I love that Schilling proved the old maxim about bringing Hitler into any political discussion true without the aid of the Internet. (Also, note to Curt: someone can do a bunch of bad shit and still be a Christian. It’s possible. Look at molesting Catholic priests. Look at the Crusades. Look in the mirror.)

Also, maybe we were indeed worried about offending radical Muslims. Maybe, just maybe, we didn’t want to inflame an already-tense situation by desecrating the body of someone who will be considered a martyr. Perhaps we didn’t want to further piss off people who already desperate to kill us?

So Schilling has once again inserted himself into a situation he knows nothing about (the guy’s an expert on proper Muslim burials now?) and shot his mouth off. This should come as no surprise. It’s what he does. The guy’s a blowhard and an egomaniac, and obviously he’s not able to allow a President from the party he opposes enjoy a moment of success, however nonpolitical it may seem to most Americans.

And this isn’t the first time Schilling has been the fly in the ointment. Here’s a look at how Mr. 38 Pitches reacted to some other historic events:

1783 – Treat of Paris signed, ending the Revolutionary War
Schilling’s reaction: Distributes a pamphlet on the streets of Boston decrying the Americans for not going far enough, and demanding that we invade England as a punitive action. Says “it makes me sick” that Washington accepted Cornwallis’s surrender rather than skinning him and wearing his flesh as a winter coat.

1865 – John Wilkes Booth shot and killed
Schilling’s reaction: Writes a letter to the editor complaining that Booth got off easy by being shot while in a burning barn, and that every American should have had the chance to rape his corpse and give 50 lashes to his sister.

1944 – U.S. troops storm the beaches at Normandy
Schilling’s reaction: Goes on a whistlestop tour giving speeches proclaiming that the real enemy in World War II is The New Deal, and that we shouldn’t intervene in Europe’s affairs. The tour’s tagline: “The French and the Jews aren’t worth saving.”

1969 – Neil Armstrong steps on the Moon
Schilling’s reaction: Appears on The Dick Cavett Show (as a surprise drop-in “guest”) to say that the idea of man in space gives him “the willies.” He argues that a craft flying into space might accidentally puncture Heaven’s cloud bubble, thus allowing much of the goodness to seep out.

1980 – U.S. wins the “Miracle on Ice” game
Schilling’s reaction: Calls into a sports radio show and exclaims that “hockey is for fags.” He also says the U.S. players should be treated as enemy spies after such close contact with the Soviets.

Curt Schilling’s motto: “If un-drafted, I will run; if un-nominated, I will accept; if unelected, I will serve. If ignored, I will talk even louder.”

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Filed under Politics Has AIDS, Sports Has AIDS, The Dilemma

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