Good news, everyone! Texas Governor Rick Perry is considering running for president. Watch your back, Pawlenty.
I’ve often wondered, “If only America could be more like Texas….” while staring off into the middle distance and caressing my Winchester Repeater. Now maybe we’ll all get to find out together!
Rick Perry’s Greatest Hits:
- Called the BP oil spill an “act of God” as a means of exonerating the oil company scumbags who caused the spill, then neglected and downplayed it for months.
- Is fine with death penalty laws being responsible for the death of innocent people.
- Is corrupt as fuck.
- Thinks we’re going to Hell if we don’t confess our sins. Probably also thinks the Devil has a long red tail, a pitchfork and a cauldron of boiling blood and hellfire.
- Loves him some fast cars.
- Wrote a book called: On My Honor: Why the American Values of the Boy Scouts are Worth Fighting For.
- Pals around with The Nuge.
- Has called intelligent design “a valid scientific theory” and thinks it should be taught in public schools.
- Thinks climate change is a lamestream media myth.
- Wants the smog-filled foul air of places like Houston to spread.
- Thinks Texas should secede from the Union — and on this point, we actually agree. But why would Perry want to be president of a 49-state union that does not include his beloved Stars N’ Bars? Is he a spy?
So…basically your typical 2011 Republican, just with a little extra dose of Texas pride and better hair than Romney. Uh oh…