In a modern-day update of competitive husband-wife games of one-upsmanship, Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow and Mrs. Chris Martin are trying to outdo one another in the battle for worst person in the world.
In the latest round, Gwynnie upped the ante by releasing this vile video announcing she’s joining Twitter and Facebook — which is definitely a normal thing that people produce videos to announce.
Martin won’t take that shit lying down, though. He’s responded by releasing Coldplay’s latest single, which is called — I shit you not — “Every Teardrop is a Waterfall.” Because you see:
Maybe I’m in the black, maybe I’m on my knees
Maybe I’m in the gap between the two trapezes
But my heart is beating and my pulses start
Cathedrals in my heart
They’re like Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, or F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald — a couple that perfectly captures the spirit of their time. Their time just happens to be the fucking worst. If anyone doubts this blog’s mission statement, that pop culture is dying a slow and miserable death, just watch that video and listen to that song.