The 5 Least and Most Surprising Rock n’ Roll Deaths

As the news trickled through the web that Amy Winehouse had tried to breathe but her body said no, no, no, the general response was “uh, yeah.” Obviously, any pop star with even a hint of talent dying in this day and age is particularly sad, and you never want to say she was asking for it. But, let’s just say she was at least inquiring about it. Her biggest song was about not going to rehab, and she couldn’t give a concert anymore without slurring every lyric. The odds of her ending up as a tabloid headline weren’t small.

Which is not to say she was the first rock star whose demise was predictable.

The Five Least Surprising Deaths In Rock History:

5) Ian Curtis-Joy Division/Elliott Smith – To say that these guys were depressed would be the same as saying Winehouse was a bit of a lush. And neither one had gotten to the level of fame that would give them a battery of enablers to keep them alive. Although suicide is always more shocking than a drug overdose, you could see both of these coming.

4) Brian Jones-The Rolling Stones – If you get kicked out of a band led by Keith Richards and Mick Jagger because your debauchery has just gotten to be too much, it’s time to start tombstone shopping.

3) Jim Morrison-The Doors – After Jimi and Janis, there just had to be a third. He’d moved to Paris to be a “poet”, his name started with a “J”, he was the same age… the indian ghost just had no choice.

2) Sid Vicious-The Sex Pistols – Ummm, he killed his girlfriend in a drugged out haze and was awaiting trial and was suicidal and was a heroin addict.

1) Elvis Presley – Just look at any picture of him from the mid-’70s.

The Five Most Surprising Deaths In Rock History:

5) Eazy E-N.W.A. – He goes into the hospital thinking he has a cold and dies soon after of A.I.D.S. The unlucky Magic Johnson of rap.

4) Jeff Buckley – As he’s finishing up his much-awaited second album, he decides to go swimming against advice in a high-current river and drowns. Having the stupidest death in rock history puts you on this list. Although it did give Hallelujah some extra resonance.

3) Kurt Cobain-Nirvana – Yeah, his lyrics didn’t exactly hide his unhappiness. But for the biggest rock star in the world to put a shotgun in his mouth was shocking to say the least. A sudden end to the best half-decade in rock history.

2) John Lennon-The Beatles – The vanguard of crazy fan stalker deaths. Sure, he was past his prime, but for debatably the biggest name in rock history to be taken out by a guy who thought he was Holden Caufield… a bit of a surprise.

1) Buddy Holly – The granddaddy of them all. Although he is tied to:

The Most Fortuitous Deaths In Rock History:

The Big Bopper – Odds anybody would remember this hack if he wasn’t on that plane – 0.0000000000000001%

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Filed under David Simon Cowell, Music Has AIDS

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