Life is suffering… thus spake the Buddha, and he was the wisest fat man this side of Andy Rooney. But Siddhartha had it easy, because he didn’t have life get in the way of keeping up with the effervescent brilliance of Whitney Cummings. I know that the suffering comes from attachment, but I can’t help it… I just can’t quit her.
Thankfully, we live in an era when even a trip to another country doesn’t mean missing gold-plated comedy. Indeed, the cessation of suffering was attainable, thanks to Pirates Bay. Let’s skip through the garden of Whitney Cummings together and catch up.
2 Broke Girls
And the ’90s Horse Party – 11.47 million viewers
Goddamn you, Internet! How is it possible in this day and age that I can’t find this episode? Why, why, why?!
Anyway, this is what Wikipedia has to say about it:
After discovering how many debts Max is dodging, Caroline resolves to clean up her roommate’s credit by repaying a student loan. They decide to hold a ’90s party at the diner when they discover that the hipsters will pay large sums of money to ride the horse. Things go awry when Caroline’s former boyfriend shows up.
Fuck, that sounds awesome! Breathe… breathe. Remember the bubbling stream. OK. This could be OK. When I buy this season on DVD, I’ll get a fresh episode to watch. Silver lining!
And the Disappearing Bed – 11.47 million viewers
Can we talk about the “And the…” titles for a second? Brilliant! It’s a nod to Friends’ “The One with…”, but even better. Because it recognizes that 2 Broke Girls is an ongoing conversation that never ends, continuing in our minds throughout the week. And then… we get a new direction for the discussion to go… EVERY WEEK!
This week, Caroline decides that she wants to stop sleeping on the couch, and tries to install a Murphy bed. The woman Max babysits for is having a birthday party for her twins, Brad and Angelina (I know, right?), and Max struggles with telling her about her cupcake business. They both learn a valuable lesson about taking chances.
There was also the introduction of a new love interest for Max. You’re never going to guess what Johnny, the guy Max has a crush on, does for a living? Bartender/street artist. And, yes, he’s both literate and ironic. God, I wish I lived in Williamsburg.
Best Line: “Looks like this little tip lost you the chance to give her your little tip.”
And the Pretty Problem – 11.19 million viewers
Max tries to sell her cupcakes in a trendy coffee house, which will only carry them if they’re prettier. Obviously, Max and Caroline disagree about whether or not to “sell-out”. Finally, Caroline understands you shouldn’t corrupt the Fugazi of cupcakes.
After seven episodes, the girls only have $383.25 of the $250,000 they need to open the best capitalized cupcake startup in history. At this rate, it’ll be 4,566 episodes until they get to their goal. We can only dream.
Best Line: The line cook, Oleg, shined this week… I couldn’t make up my mind, so here are the top two… decide for yourself. “You can call me Count Oleg of the amazing party in my pants.” “Once you go Ukraine, you’ll scream with sex pain.”
The Wire – 4.19 million viewers
Whitney took a week off, so I didn’t actually miss an episode. Thank God… I don’t have to come up with another rationalization of why I shouldn’t kill myself. At the same time… what could possibly be good enough to preempt Whitney? Did they have an Inside Schwartz reunion or something?
From the title, I was afraid that this episode had to do with that HBO show that stupid hipsters can’t stop talking about. I tried to watch an episode, and it was so not funny! Plus, I couldn’t understand what all those black people were talking about. It’s like, speak English, right?
Fortunately, it was about how Alex doesn’t wash his clothes enough, and uses a condescending tone with Whitney about it. He denies it, so their cop friend Mark puts a camera in their apartment to catch him using the voice. Whitney keeps coming up with ways to start a fight, until Alex catches on and messes with her by making her give him a lap dance in front of the camera with all their friends watching. God, they have such a strong relationship.
Best Line: No line could be better than the physical comedy of Whitney’s lap dance. Just think Buster Keaton mixed with Paris Hilton.
Two Broke-Up Guys
This episode’s brilliance starts right off the bat, with the title. Two Broke-Up Guys? That’s just like 2 Broke Girls! HAHAHAHAHA! It’s so meta it hurts.
Know how I know it’s in Chicago? Because the guys wear Blackhawks shirts in every scene and mention the Notre Dame game in the first minute. No need to worry about setting again for at least three more episodes.
Alex and Mark have a fight. Mark returns Alex’s XBox controller and defriends him on Facebook (it’s like, just ignore his posts… you don’t have to be mean). Alex starts working out to make himself feel better. They make up by quoting lines from Fletch. It’s just like a couples fight but with two guys. It sounds crazy, but so does every original plot line at first.
Best Line: “I once peed standing up at Lollapalooza.” (God, Whitney really does nail Chicago)