I’m sorry, Craig Finn. I’m so sorry.
I know that I mocked your forthcoming solo album, and said “The next stage in a once-great band’s decline seems all but assured now that Craig Finn is working on a solo album.” I know! But that was before I learned that YOUR ALBUM WAS INSPIRED BY AND NAMED AFTER FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS!
As someone who has legitimately (albeit drunkenly) considered getting a “Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose” tattoo — way before this person, I might add — the news that you named your album Clear Hearts Full Eyes seems not only like a direct rebuke to my earlier post, but a move designed to reaffirm my faith in you, your band, America and humanity.
It seems that we’ve entered some kind of parallel universe where people cater to my every whim, and I can control others’ actions with my mind. I like this world. I am going to continue to use my newfound power not for the greater good, but to create pop culture and entertainment crossbreeding mashups that exist only to amuse me and fulfill my most selfish fantasies. Other Friday Night Lights/The Hold Steady-type combinations that I now fully expect to exist soon include:
- She and Him II: Zooey Deschanel drops M. Ward and teams with Derek Jeter to sing the songs of Bruce Springsteen.
- “I’ve Made a Huge Mistake/What The Fuck Did I Do?”: The Wire Meets Arrested Development — a new film written by Noah Baumbach and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.
- R.E.M. reunites to perform the Twin Peaks soundtrack in concert, with Neko Case on harmonies.
- A Bosom Buddies reunion film with Maggie Gyllenhaal as Kip’s love interest. 1978 version of Martin Scorsese directs. 1971 Rolling Stones provide the score.
- Robert F. Kennedy’s ghost runs for president in 2012 and also sings like Mandy Patinkin in Evita during campaign stops.