The Most Oscar-Bait Movie of 2011

Ladies and gentleman, Albert Nobbs:

Hmmm. Off to a good start, Albert Nobbs. Period piece set in a repressed time on the British Isles? Check. A beloved, oft-nominated-but-never-won actor of a certain age in a career-defining role? Check. A lady masquerading as a dude? Check. Yearning? Check. The idea of America as unachievable dream? Check. Lines like “You don’t have to be anything other than who you are”? Check.

But if there’s time for a super-quick re-edit before official release, I have a few suggestions for how to improve your chances at grasping that little gold, shiny bald man in your white-gloved hands:

Maybe in addition to being a man, Glenn Close is also deaf?

Maybe in addition to being a deaf man, Glenn Close is also crippled?

Maybe in addition to being a deaf, crippled man, Glenn Close also has undiagnosed Down syndrome?

Maybe in addition to being a deaf, crippled, retarded man, Glenn Close also must contend with the predeccesors of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party, who are in Ireland for some reason?

Maybe in addition to being a deaf, crippled, retarded man being hunted by Nazis, Glenn Close also tries to understand the plight of black people?

Maybe in addition to being a deaf, crippled, retarded man being hunted by Nazis and bridging racial divides, Glenn Close also has a stutter?

Blimey! I think we’ve g-g-got it!

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Film Has AIDS, The Dilemma

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s