A Hero on Hooves: For Your Consideration

What happens when the bravest man in battle…..isn’t even a man?? WARHORSE. Coming to theaters December 2011.

Are you ready to give the Kaiser night-mares? WARHORSE. From Dreamworks SKG and Reliance Entertainment.

When you really need to whinny the battle: WARHORSE. Galloping into a theater near you.

They say close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Luckily for all of us, WARHORSE has both. From Steven Spielberg.

Want to send the Germans straight to the glue factory? Call on WARHORSE. Your hero and mine.

A gripping tail of epic courage on the battlefield. WARHORSE. Pony up and buy two tickets today.

When the politicians on the homefront are neigh-sayers, and your government won’t bale you out with additional soldiers: WARHORSE. He’ll get it done.

“Cant”-er isn’t even in his vocabulary. WARHORSE. From the mind of Steven Spielberg. From the heart of America.

When you need to filly the Kaiser’s heart with terror: WARHORSE to the rescue. Coming soon.

If you thought Julia Roberts and Hillary Swank would be the only horsefaces to ever win Oscars, you ain’t seen nothing yet. WARHORSE. Hoofing into theaters this December.

Do you want to reclaim the term “horseplay” from Jerry Sandusky? WARHORSE can help. Wholesome family fun at a theater near you.

Rein in the smiles this holiday season. WARHORSE. Tickets available on Fandango.

When the Kaiser’s feeling his oats, and you have nowhere left to turn: WARHORSE. This Christmas.

Are the boys in the trenches pulling up lame? WARHORSE will save the day. From the man who brought you Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

A WARHORSE gallops onto the Western front. A German soldier says, “Why the long face?” Coming soon.

Saddled with grief over what the Ottoman Empire’s ethnic cleansing campaign? Then saddle up WARHORSE and giddyup, soldier.

When the Kaiser stirrups some trouble, there’s only one soldier for the job. WARHORSE. Starring Jeremy Irvine and the handsomest-looking stallion you’ve ever laid eyes on.

All this time, we thought the Kaiser been’s breaking WARHORSE. Turns out, WARHORSE been the one breaking the Kaiser. Coming to an AMC theater in your town.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Good thing WARHORSE only drinks Kraut blood. December ’11.

When the Austro-Hungarian Empire is not looking so stable: WARHORSE rides to the rescue. Only in theaters.

They say there are no atheists in foxholes. Well, there are no agnostics at the feeding trough. WARHORSE. Horses go to heaven, too.

Need to knock the Kaiser off his high horse? Just whistle and WARHORSE will be at the ready. Rated PG-13.

They shoot horses, don’t they? NOT FUCKING WARHORSE, THEY DON’T. Ride through the bullets with Steven Spielberg this December.

This horse needs a new rider: a gold, shiny little bald rider, if you know what I mean. (What I mean is: Oscar wants to go for a ride.) WARHORSE. The best film of 2011.

When you need a 39″ horse-cock to ram down the enemy’s throats: WARHORSE. Changing the way you think about soldiers.

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3 Comments

Filed under Film Has AIDS, The Dilemma

3 responses to “A Hero on Hooves: For Your Consideration

  1. Pingback: 2 Idiots Discuss: The 2012 Oscars | Pop Culture Has AIDS

  2. Pingback: Warhorse « Teh's Tales, Ian's Yarns

  3. Pingback: 2 Idiots Discuss: The Year In Film | Pop Culture Has AIDS

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