Dear George, Thanks for the Christmas Present, Love, Newt

Say what you will about George Bush Sr. (non-charismatic, bad orator, demon seed), but he’s a man who’s always supported the Republican Establishment. So, his endorsement of Mitt Romney yesterday is not a big surprise.

However, the form that the endorsement took should give some pause to scheduling any further public events for the 87-year-old.

I think Romney is the best choice for us. I like Perry, but he doesn’t seem to be going anywhere; he’s not surging forward.

“I really liked that other guy Rick my daughter was dating, but this guy Mitt makes more money and doesn’t drink as much. It’s too bad Rick couldn’t get his act together, but my little girl could probably do worse. Cheers.”

Gee, thanks, Mr. Bush.

On Romney’s flip-flopping: It was a charge that was used against me. ‘No new taxes’? Remember that? I don’t think it’s significant. He’s got a record as governor, and people change their mind. I don’t take that criticism very seriously.

“You know how Mitt and I are most alike? That darn flip-flopping label. They tried to use that slur against me because I broke some “Read my lips: no new taxes” pledge. But voters saw right through that. I shrugged it off, and rode my record approval ratings from the Gulf War to a second term and… wait… really? Guess I had a senior moment there. Turns out the Democrats played clips of my broken pledge over and over until they destroyed my prohibitive lead, which had scared away all the tough competition, paving the way for an… is this right?… O.K…. Arkansas pig fucker to beat me. Anyway, Mitt reminds me of me.”

Boy, this was great, Mr. President.

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Filed under David Simon Cowell, Politics Has AIDS

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