Geez, Allah sure does work in mysterious ways. When he’s not subverting our way of life with Manchurian candidates or destroying Cat Stevens’ music, he’s apparently watching episodes of Will & Grace. I hope it’s the one when Matt Damon joins the gay chorus!
Unlike a real God like Jesus, who has only one true financial system/political party/sport/band/singer (capitalism/Republican/football/Creed/Toby Keith, y’all), I guess a false prophet gets to do whatever the hell he wants. How else could his most powerful son be a Socialist/Fascist/Radical Islamist gay-lovin’ son-of-a-bitch. I’m not sure what all those words mean, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even make sense!
Gosh darn it, why’d you forsake Rick Santorum, Lord?!? Why are you forcing me to vote for a Mormon in order to get rid of a gay-lovin’ Islamist? I always knew there was something off about those Muslims, though. They kiss and hold hands just a little bit too much, if you know what I’m sayin’. I’m sayin’ they’re some glittery bomb-throwing gay bombs! Hahahahahaha.
If the President of the U.S.A. wants guys to be able to marry, what the heck is the ever-lovin’ point anymore? Doesn’t he know that if those hairdressers get to enter into unholy matrimony, my wedding was completely worthless. Why the heck did I even learn how to fox-trot? Sure, they’ll lisp that their marriage shouldn’t effect my marriage. But, after that one time that I accidentally cuddled up to Joe Bob when we shared that hunting trip tent, I can tell you that ain’t true. I couldn’t get an erection for my wife for three weeks! I just kept thinking of Joe Bob’s strong shoulders and firm legs and morning stubble and… oh, Joe Bob.
But I guess now black is white and white is black (and the President’s both… hahahahaha). If gay guys get to get married, I don’t even have to feel badly about cheating anymore, I guess. Why does radical Islam have to be so darn liberal? I need to take my mind off of this travesty… time for some lesbian porn!