Most Pop Culture Has AIDS posts are born from drunken late-night bar conversations, whether between me and David Simon Cowell back in the day, me and the homeless Chicago alcoholics I now spend time with, or DSC and the homeless Peruvian alcoholics he entertains. Sometimes, though, posts are inspired by instant messages from one cubicle to another a few feet away — desperate electronic cries for help as our souls slowly die. This, from Arriaga Pizzoza and me, is such a case.
One of the great things about Mad Men is Matthew Weiner’s nearly insane level of secrecy. He’s a famous spoilerphobe, and won’t give out even the most basic details about upcoming episodes and seasons, including which year they take place and whether or not certain actors and actresses are still under contract.
That’s why it’s a big scoop for PCHA that we’ve learned what’s going to transpire not only in the season finale on Sunday, but in the entirety of next season.
Season five has been impressive in that it’s slowly wrapped up the long, ongoing storylines of many of the series’ main characters. In fact, Weiner has left characters with such clearly defined endgames, that most of their fates can be summed up with one word:
- Peggy: Gone
- Betty: Fat
- Lane: Hung
- Joan: Whored
- Pete: Bitchface
- Roger: Unenlightened
- Sally: Pubescent
See? There’s not much left to say about them beyond that. So, Sunday’s finale is going to be about saying our goodbyes to these beloved characters, and preparing ourselves for what’s next.
Well, what we thought was an atmospheric throwaway scene at the end of last week’s episode provides the answer. The future of Mad Men is this: Don and Glenn, on the road, having adventures.
In Sunday’s finale, we’ll learn that Don and Glenn never arrived at Glenn’s school, and never made it back to Don’s Manhattan pad. Fed up with the “crappiness” of life, they decide to leave it all behind and hit the open road, Kerouac style. PCHA has learned that season six of Mad Men will be comprised entirely of Don and Glenn’s road trip, with the series retaining no other full-time cast members. Matthew Weiner’s private notes to AMC describe the new direction as a cross between anthology series Route 66 and Quantum Leap. We’ve even gotten our hands on the episode synopses for season six.
Here’s what we have to look forward to:
S06E01 — Don and Glenn leave the bright lights of New York City in their rearview mirror, and Don teaches Glenn how to play car bingo while sitting in traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike.
S06E02 — In Allentown, Pennsylvania, Don and Glenn are working as janitors at a local junior high — when Don (not Glenn!) gets mistaken for one of the students.
S06E03 — Trouble follows Don and Glenn into Dayton, Ohio, where they stay for a couple weeks to work as mechanics and earn some scratch for the road. Little do they know that their garage is actually a chop shop!
S06E04 — Unable to stand his creepy mustache anymore, Don attempts to teach Glenn to shave. Unfortunately, this leaves Glenn’s face riddled with cuts and tissue paper, which attracts some unwanted attention from local West Virginia police.
S06E05 — Don and Glenn both fall hard for a pretty diner waitress off I-80 in Nebraska. Just wait until they both show up for a date with her — at the same time!
S06E06 — Don is perplexed by South of the Border, while Glenn loses his boyhood to a pretty South Carolina housewife in the backseat of her station wagon.
S06E07 — Don faces old demons in Chicago, as a man he meets in a bar turns out to work for the Leo Burnett advertising agency, which is working on a campaign for General Motors — and needs a tagline, bad.
S06E08 – While stopped in St Louis, Don pretends to be Bob Gibson to pick up trim at the bar. Only one problem – He gets drunk, blacks out, and he wakes up in the clubhouse, scheduled to pitch Game 7 of the World Series!
S06E09 — Don and Glenn are trapped in Washington, D.C. for the 1968 race riots, and they both learn a little something that day. (Very special episode.)
S06E10 — A quick layover in Las Vegas turns crazy as Don & Glenn run into famed journalist Hunter S Thompson (Guest Star Johnny Depp)
S06E11 — Awkward hilarity ensues when Don has to explain to Glenn what a glory hole is at a truck stop near Reno.
S06E12 — Don and Glenn are bumming around the City of Angels when they stumble across old pal Paul Kinsey, drunk, homeless, and down on his luck. It’s up to Don and Glen to get him sober and to the nearest Hare Krishna center.
S06E13 – Don and Glenn have criss-crossed the country several times, and have run out of new blacktop to traverse. The solution? Mexico. Vaya con dios, Don and Glenn!