A Tebowmas Miracle

I really didn’t think we were going to get to celebrate Tebowmas this year. It’s been a dark year.

The Jets have imploded in exactly the fashion that some of our leading minds predicted before the season began, to the extent that they’re in danger of losing the best coach they’ve ever had (that’s right, Parcells, I’m including you), and could be embarking on either a multi-year rebuilding plan or several seasons of self-delusion in which they deny they need to rebuild and dig themselves in an even deeper hole.

But….But! Just in time for Tebowmas, we’ve received the kind of redemptive miracle for which this wondrous season is known.

Buffalo Bills v New York Jets

This entire disastrous Jets season has been worth it just for these last couple weeks. Yes, the team has taken embarrassing losses to the likes of the Chargers and Titans, falling out of the playoff picture in the process. Yes, the so-called franchise quarterback is an albatross. Yes, there’s a distressing lack of young, promising talent. Yes, there doesn’t seem to be a GM in place to rectify any of these concerns.

But Tim Tebow has been exposed as a fraud.

First, Rex Ryan went to great lengths all season to avoid playing Tebow. The Wildcat was minimized and Ryan stuck by Mark Sanchez even as his QB1 got progressively farther asea and walked around with a bewildered look on his handsome face.

And then…Then! When Ryan finally had to admit that Sanchez couldn’t play without humiliating himself, he turned to third-string quarterback and non-prospect Greg McElroy, leaping over Tebow on the depth chart.

It’s become clear that Ryan never had any use for The Chosen One, and that either owner Woody Johnson forced Tebow on Rex in a misguided bid to sell tickets and steal the back page, or Mike Tannenbaum is even less competent than we thought.

Regardless, the combination of the Jets almost never using Tebow earlier in the season and going to McElroy ahead of him shows an almost aggressive disregard for Tebow’s “ability.” It’s almost as if Rex loathes Tebow and has used this entire season as a long con to stick it to him.

And Timothy Richard Tebow has been exposed. The Ultimate Teammate, God’s Own Disciple, The Good Christian, The Bayless-Approved American Hero, is acting like a selfish little bitch.

According to an ESPN report, Tebow was so mad that McElroy got the starting gig over him that he demanded not to be used in the Wildcat package. He threw a tantrum and put his own pride ahead of his team’s interest (or at least supposed interest…Tebow’s Wildcat hasn’t accomplished anything all season). Then, learning no lesson from Richard Nixon, he compounded the problem by essentially lying about it after the game.

Per Rich Cimini and Jane McManus:

In the postgame news conference, Tebow was asked who told him he wouldn’t be playing in the Wildcat and Tebow responded, “It just kind of happens.”

Uh, no, Tim. “It just kind of happens” implies that perhaps an act of God caused you to not be involved in the offense this week, or perhaps that it was a mutual decision between you and the coaching staff. It most certainly does not imply that you acted like a spoiled diva, the kind of player Skip Bayless hates most of all, by taking yourself out of the game not because of injury but because of being emo. Fuck you, good sir.

Can you imagine if any other athlete, particularly a black or Hispanic athlete (Michael Vick!), demanded not to play because he was pouting about playing time? Can you imagine the screaming on PTI and First Take and whatever the fuck else? But because this is the warrior of light, he’ll get a pass.

(Of course, it should also be noted that if this were any other athlete, I also might empathize a bit with how he’s been treated…acquired for seemingly no good reason and basically forced into exile, almost as a certain foot fetishist held a grudge against a holier-than-thou douchebag.)

Tim Tebow is terrible at football. But he is nice to sick kids. So that must mean it’s OK when he acts like a prima donna in the locker room, throwing teammates under the bus for his own self-interest.

The good news is: this season has been Tebow’s equivalent of the trials of Job. And he didn’t pass the test.

God bless us, everyone.


1 Comment

Filed under Sports Has AIDS, The Dilemma

One response to “A Tebowmas Miracle

  1. Karen Altes

    But all football players are nice to sick kids. I mean, name a big-name football player who doesn’t have a foundation or at least spends time visiting hospitals and the like. There’s an endless supply of feel-good stories every Sunday NFL Countdown. So Tebow isn’t even unique in that.

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