“Hey, it’s Mickey! Mickey Morandini! Here’s Hoping Your Birthday is a Real Grand Slam!”

Did you know that for a mere $99, you can chat with legendary Phillies and Cubs second baseman (and proud owner of a lifetime .359 slugging percentage) Mickey Morandini?

It’s true!

And that’s not all. For just $300, you can “surprise your baseball buddies by inviting Mickey to a live fantasy draft!” Cough up a cool $750 and Mickey “The Dandy Little Glove Man” Morandini himself will come to your birthday party or bar mitzvah.

But wait! There’s more!

You can also talk to New York Giants offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride (or have him join your pick-up game)! Or enjoy a round of golf with NBA legend Cedric Ceballos! The world is your oyster!

And luckily, this amazing opportunity isn’t limited to the greats of our sporting times. You can speak with Dennis Haskins — Mr. Belding himself — for less than 20 bucks. Or have a phone hang with original Bachelor Alex Michel, Silver Spoons vixen Erin Gray, or My Two Dads standout Greg Evigan. It’s all happening.

The day I turned 30, my phone rang. When I picked up, a familiar voice greeted me.

“Is this Matthew?”


“This is Todd Bridges! Happy birthday, man!”


That’s right…Todd Bridges….sorry, THE Todd Bridges, was calling me live to personally wish me a happy birthday, thanks to a well-considered birthday gift from my sister. The rest of the conversation went basically like this:

Me: Oh, wow. Thanks, Todd!

Todd: Yeah, hope you’re having a great day. How old are you?

Me: 30.

Todd: Uh oh! Getting old! You’ll be over the hill in no time!

Me: ha ha ha

Todd: ha ha ha

Me: …

Todd: Well, happy birthday, man. Have a good one.

Me: Thanks, Todd! (uses all self-control not to make a “Willis” joke or ask about Gary Coleman)

So, as you can see, that was pretty great. A life highlight for sure. But as you can see from the above-named celebrities, not everyone who receives a phone call from a star is so lucky. Todd Bridges…now that’s a capital-S superstar. Mickey Morandini? Eh…maybe not. With that in mind, let’s count down some of the worst celebrities you could get a call from:

5. Ian Dench, keyboard player for EMF


“Hey mate, hope your birthday is…unbelievable. OH!!…What’s that, which one was I? No, not the floppy hair. The one with the keytar…right, right.”

4. Art Metrano (Mauser from the Police Academy movies)


“Jesus Christ, no, I’m not the one who made the funny noises. I’m the one who always got humiliated in the Blue Oyster. But congrats on your big day.”

3. Malcolm Gets (Richard from Caroline in the City)

Malcolm Gets

“So…uh…did Lea Thompson have any cool stories about Michael J. Fox or anything?”

2. Bunty Bailey (The girl from A-ha’s “Take on Me” video)

bunty bailey


1. Jeffrey Loria



1 Comment

Filed under Sports Has AIDS, The Dilemma

One response to ““Hey, it’s Mickey! Mickey Morandini! Here’s Hoping Your Birthday is a Real Grand Slam!”

  1. My God… finally, we can do the PCHA Interview Series. The PCHA Interview with Mr. Belding, with EMF’s keyboardist, etc., etc. Sure, we may only get a few questions in, but think of the hits… Rudolph can suck it. I’m in for $20 a month.

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