The scene: Rafael Nadal’s post-match press conference following his shocking first-round, straight-sets Wimbledon loss to Steve Darcis.
Reporter: Rafa, Rafa! Can you talk about what happened out there today?
Nadal: I must give all credit to Steve Darcis. Some days, you play well enough to win. Some days, you fight to survive out there. Today, is just not my day. Steve play great match, and I go home to Mallorca.
Reporter: Rafa, how disappointed are you in your performance?
Nadal: I not disappointed at all. Steve Darcis is great, great player. When you play a Steve Darcis, you just give it your best and hope to move on. Very lucky to win match against Steve Darcis, ever. He is one of best all time. Of course, Roger is truly the best ever. Then Novak. Then Sampras. Then Laver. Then Stever Darcis. Then Lendl. Then Novak imitating Roger. I lucky to just be on same court with legend like Steve Darcis. He was too good for me today.
Reporter: Rafa, your knee looked a little balky out there. Are you injured?
Nadal: No, knee is fine. I did not lose due to injury, I lose due to greatness of Steve Darcis.
Reporter: Did you go too hard at the French Open? Is your body giving out on you?
Nadal: No, I am 100% healthy.
Reporter: Rafa, did you…
Nadal: OK, maybe not 100%. Is slight exaggeration.
Reporter: Are you planning to take any time off like you did last year?
Nadal: No, I am 99% healthy. Just a little pain in the knee. But not the reason I lose.
Reporter: Does the grass…
Nadal: I should say, a little pain in both knees. But only when I bend over, or stop short, or hit backhand, or serve, or hit forehand, or run, or walk for changeover. Other than that, very healthy. Darcis just better than me.
Reporter: What does…
Nadal: But do not worry, my wrists feel very good. I will be able to play much FIFA Soccer 14 and Kingdom Hearts 3 on Xbone when I get my free advance console.
(Toni Nadal whispers into Rafael’s ear)
Nadal: I sorry. Uncle Toni say I should not call it Xbone. It is Xbox One. Uncle Toni say calling it Xbone makes me sound like retard.
Reporter: Rafa, ultimately, what do you attribute this defeat to?
Nadal: All-time greatness of Darcis. Is definitely not because I no practice on grass even one time this year. Definitely not because I because I win amazing, record-setting 8th French Open and play very hard to win. (I really just very lucky to win 8th French Open. A few breaks go my way.) And definitely not that I have the knees of a crippled 80-year-old midget.
Reporter: Rafa, will you be at the U.S. Open?
Nadal: I hope so. I have to make sure I qualify, of course. I never take it for granted that I qualify. And I must make sure Uncle Toni give me enough allowance to fly to New York. And that I can stay in Connecticut, because New York very scary for humble boy from Mallorca. So many tall buildings! And also I must make sure that I am not paraplegic by then. Thank you, everyone, and congratulations again to Mr. Steve Darcis.