Cashman Unchained

Mike Francesa: Welcome to Mike’d Up, Francesa on the FAN. I’m your host, Mike Francesa, thank you for spending your drive time with us.

Joining us today on Mike’d Up is the Yankees’ General Manager Brian Cashman. We want to get Cash’s take on some recent tweets by Alex Rodriguez, and everything else that’s happening in the Bronx. Brian, you’re on the FAN. Thank you for joining us.

Brian Cashman: Thanks for having me, Mike.


Francesa: Cash, I’d like to get your thoughts on something Alex Rodriguez said today — sorry, twittered, or tweetered, or whatever you call it. You know I don’t understand how that garbage works, Cash. Anyway, ARod wrote, “Visit from Dr. Kelly over the weekend, who gave me the best news – the green light to play games again!” What’s your response, Cash?

Cashman: What did he say?

Francesa: Well, he said that…

Cashman: Alex should shut the fuck up. I’m calling him as soon as we’re done here.

Francesa: Wow, strong words from the Yankees’ general manager. Earlier, Alex wrote that he played in a simulated game, and that “nice to see real game pitching action!” Did he in fact play in a simulated game, Cash?

Cashman: Alex is a fucking moron. He needs to keep Yankees business in the Yankees family. Jesus fucking Christ.

Francesa: Huge statements here from Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Can you expand on why you have such a problem with ARod’s Tweets, Cash?

Cashman: Alex Rodriguez is a cunt.

Francesa: OK, then. Moving on. The team announced this week that Mark Teixeira needs surgery on his ailing wrist, and he’s going to miss the rest of the season. Does the team have any plans to add a first baseman?

Cashman: Mark Teixeira needs to take the tampon out of his gaping vagina and sack up. I mean, what the fucking fuck, Mike? What is it with this guy? I’ve always thought he was part robot, but apparently, he’s just a whiny little bitch. The next time I see hi, I’m going to punch him in the tits.

Francesa: Yowzers. The team’s hit a rough patch, Cash, and the offense has really been struggling. What moves can you make to turn it around?

Cashman: Moves? You want to make moves, you drowsy, fat yokel? How about Kevin Youkilis and his wizened, crippled spine tough it out and try to play in a goddamn baseball game this year? How about that pungent little twat, Jayson Nix, learn how to do anything other than bunt like the runt on a Little League team? How about Robinson Cano, that greedy piece of human garbage, stops worrying about his fucking contract and he remembers how to hit fucking lefties? How are those for moves?

Francesa: A very feisty Brian Cashman joining us today on the FAN. Are you concerned about the pitching staff, Cash? What are the chances the team re-signs Phil Hughes this winter?

Cashman: Phil Hughes? Phil Fucking Hughes? You have got to be shitting me. Have you seen Phil Hughes lately? He’s packed on so much weight, he looks like you, you fucking heifer. Phil Hughes?! Oh, what’s that? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of Phil Hughes giving up another home run. Phil Hughes! That meaty Mongoloid dolt. Yeah, we’ll get right on those contract negotiations.

Francesa: According to the papers, you and Randy Levine and ARod had a “come to Jesus” conference call after the twittering incident. Can you tell us how that conversation went down?

Cashman: I told Alex to his face to shut the fuck up, and that he’s a cunt. And that I’m going to put a bullet in his neck the next time he sends out a motherfucking tweet.


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