We Predict the Breaking Bad Ending

Only the world’s most obstinate contrarian would deny that Breaking Bad is in the midst of a remarkable final season — perhaps the greatest final season for a drama series ever. Of course, there’s one episode remaining and the small matter of sticking the final landing, which we all know doesn’t always happen.

But given what we’ve seen these past 7 episodes (these past 5+ seasons, really), there’s very little reason to doubt that Vince Gilligan knows how to end this story well. So all that’s left to do is to guess what he’s got up his sleeve. So, click through for our best, most educated predictions for how Walter White’s story is going to wrap up.

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1. The Skinny Pete Ending. Almost every minor character and loose end has been serviced and granted screen time this season, with the notable exception of Badger and Skinny Pete — who showed up for a brief moment in the season premiere for some Star Trek-related comic relief. So we know something big is coming with these two in the finale. Badger and Skinny Pete show they’ve been playing the long game all along and come up with an ingenious scheme to rescue Jesse from the Nazis. After doing so, however, Skinny Pete tells Jesse, “We’re not fucking dukes. We’re kings,” and shoots him in the head. Badger and Skinny Pete take over the lab and become Heisenbergs 1A and 1B.

2. The Opie Dead-Eyed Motherfucker Ending. In its final act, Breaking Bad finally reveals itself to be what it’s always been: a love story. Specifically, a love story between two of its most beloved characters, Landry Todd and Lydia. Just as Landry won the heart of his beloved Tyra years ago through murder, so does Todd finally earn the hand of Lady Lydia by killing the Great Heisenberg once and for all. Todd and Lydia live happily ever after, picking lint off each other’s clothes and jerking each off over 97% cooks.

3. The 737 Down Over ABQ Ending. Walt belatedly learns that he caused the plane crash from season two, via another chance meeting with Jane’s father, who survived his suicide attempt. Rather than bemoaning all the innocent deaths he caused, Walt embraces his role in the disaster and becomes a plane crash-causer-for-hire to terrorist groups around the world.

4. The Fan Service Ending. The cold open shows us Walt and the Nazis destroying each other via machine gun, while Jesse uses the distraction to quietly slip away. After the credits, the rest of the hour shows Jesse putting his life back together piece by piece, over the course of years. He deals with his guilt through therapy. He reconnects with his parents and little brother. He forms a friendship with Skyler and Marie and comes over for family dinners often. Finally, he finds love with a pretty girl and starts his own family. As he stands at the altar watching his bride march down the aisle (with his best man Walt Jr. wiping away tears of happiness beside him), Jesse whispers contentedly to himself, “Yeah, bitch.”

5. The Unitarian Ending. The Nazis slaughter Walt and Jesse in a gunfight, then murder Skyler, Marie, Walt Jr., Holly and Brock just out of spite. However, the coda shows us that the entire just-killed group, along with Gale, Gus, Mike, Andrea, Jane, and Krazy 8 are all together again in a giant Unitarian church. “We’ve been waiting for you,” Gale tells Walt. The church doors open and they all stride into the bright light together. As a family.

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Filed under Television Has AIDS, The Dilemma

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