The Top 12 PCHA Comments of 2013

Well, we may not have written much in 2013 but that hasn’t stopped you guys!

As usual, your almost impossibly high level of discourse and repartee have kept this site ferociously alive and brimming with the electricity of rhetoric.

As such, your top 12 comments of the year.

You know what you guys love more than anything? Defending a minor character from a soon-to-be-forgotten, mildly successful movie.

12. From Anonymous, re: Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter Finally Defends Herself

Having a broad vocabulary does not make you more intelligent nor does it increase your charm. You are not witty you are pathetic. How does it feel to know while you are “blogging” that actress you keep referring to as a, “fake daughter,” is actually making money for how she spends her time? Ass. — Anon

It doesn’t feel great, if we’re being honest. But thank you for the great compliment about my vocabulary!

11. From Anonymous, re: An Open Letter to Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter in Moneyball

Shut up bitch, learn to understand life, dumb cunto fag fuck. fuck your roberto frost literatures.

Lay off Roberto Frost, man. What did he ever do to you?

10. From Robin, re: Texas Rangers Demystification Day: Nolan Ryan

The writer is a phukking ignorant limousine liberal scumbag jackass. Phuk him, and the horse he rode in on.

And phuk you for being too much of a pussy to spell out “fuck” correctly.

9. From Anonymous, re: An Open Letter to Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter in Moneyball

Pop culture does have AIDS, it’s called The Dilemma

Using my own blog title against me. Ouch.

8. From John, re: We Need Two States

They were both hot but especially Blanche. Older women are so hot!

Team Mona 4eva.

7. From Bill, re: Other Things That Offend Tony LaRussa

Didn’t the Cardinals go on to win the World Series that year? Oh wait, yes, yes they did. A record setting late season run to get a team that no one thought had a chance after Wainwright was hurt in Spring training. Hey Dilemma, Dii-lemma, Dilemmaman, who cares about game 2. Maybe you should have waited for the series to be over. Tony La Russa = future Hall of Famer considered one of the best of all time. You = Schmuck who has done nothing for baseball and has 10,000 twitter followers. You da’ man bro! Suck it. Sincerely, your old pal Bill from St. Louis.

I cannot even tell you how honored I am that one of Baseball’s Best Fans found his way to our little corner of the internet.

6. From Shane, re: Tosh.TheDeclineofWesternCivilization

You are probably the dumbest person I have come across. Obviously Daniel tosh’ humor flys completely over your tiny, dull, close-minded head. If you maybe watched more than one episode of tosh.0 you would see that he I a genius who has no boundaries and will shit on anyone and I mean ANYONE. No one is safe when it comes to him. Show me a comedian who has the balls to do that. Besides that his wardrobe is a joke. He wears those clothes sarcastically you douche bag. And lastly if you actually took a second to think about the context of his jokes instead if hating him so much and ignoring them, you would find he is pretty goddamn intelligent making spot on references to everything.  If he’s as not funny as you claim, why did he have more viewers than any show on Comedy Central history?

He wears those clothes sarcastically?

5. From Jay, re: An Open Letter to Billy Beane’s Daughter in Moneyball

Hahaha, you are one psycho fuck! Simmer down there Tiger, and quit spewing out incoherent rants… As you try to mask your lack of intelligence by mashing together 3+ syllable diction that you clearly don’t understand. BTW, its a real fucking song stupid and she’s 13. Fortunately, something tells me you’ll be in jail soon for assaulting a clerk who accidentally short-changes you… And there will be one less rambling schitzo spreading hate on the internet. Then your only “Dilemma” will be which hole to take it in. Beat it loser.

3+ syllable diction? Damn, is that a second compliment for my vocabulary? For the record, these are the only 3+-syllable words used in that post: Moneyball, represent, Hollywood, denominator, maximum, nobody, America, ostensibly, humanize, character, likable, anyway, listening, retarded, undermining, narrative, character, creative, demonization, simplification, misrepresented, complicated, watchable, entertaining, unfortunately, memory, existence, cynical, objectivity, anathema, annoying, precocious, unrealistic, recurring, directly, cavity, evaluate, demanding, important, priorities, adorably.

I wonder which ones Jay thinks I don’t understand? Ostensibly, right? Gotta be ostensibly.

4. From Anonymous, re: A Conversation Between Archie and Cooper Manning

Omg!!!! archie manning does not speak with such language! He’s a gentleman, and a great father who loves ALL of his children very much!

I asked Archie to respond to your comment and he said to tell you shove it up your gaping twathole?

3. From Anonymous, re: Burn Out and Fade Away: Elvis in Concert

HOW DARE YOU TALK SO ILL OF THE DEAD!!!!!!!! FURTHERMORE YOU REALLY DON’T HAVE ANY CLUE WHAT IN THE HELL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!!! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF LOW LIFE!!!!!! WHY DON’T YOU POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF AND LET OTHERS JUDGE YOU????? AND I SUPPOSE YOU CAN SING BETTER AS WELL!?!? WELL COME ON LETS HEAR YOU!!!!!!!! I’M SURPRISED YOU HAVEN’T BEEN SOUGHT OUT AND SHOT TO DEATH BY AN ELVIS LOVER!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE TOTALLY ASHAMED OF YOURSELF PERIOD!!!! REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU MAY THINK….ELVIS WAS, IS & WILL ALWAYS BE THE KING PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!! TCB/TLC ALWAYS & FOREVER!!!!!

Sure, friend. Here’s a picture of me. Judge away.

2. From Anonymous, re: An Open Letter to Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter in Moneyball

The songs lyrics were metaphors for how Billy felt. Billy said in one of his last s need that he wasn’t able to get over/passed the loses, not ever. The song was a metaphor for how he felt inside. Listen to the lyrics of the song & research the movie before u criticize/verbally abuse a child the next time. Even if ur a sociopath who has no emotions, doesn’t mean others are as well. Billy was the lead character in Moneyball. It is pertinent to the story that the movies way gets have a glimpse into him. If u don’t like the emotions reflected in movies (like all movies), I suggest taking up sticking to reading the straight facts on your own rather than belittle that which your brain can’t comprehend (emotions-other than hate)

OHHHHH! Metaphors! Fuck, that changes everything.

1. From KS, re: Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter Finally Defends Herself

Sweetheart – First of all, you’re absolutely adorable. Unfortunately, and you’re finding this out way too early in life, there are people who are so unhappy with themselves and their lives that they go out of their way to make nice people like you miserable. Don’t let a stranger’s unkind words affect you. Your rendition of the song you sing brings tears to my eyes every time I watch Moneyball. Just like the Beach Boys’ God Only Knows. In addition to being able to carry a tune, you convey such poignancy when you sing. Despite hearing all the time how important money is, the whole point of the movie is that there are many things that are much more important than money.

Billy Beane’s Fake Daughter responds: “How dare you invoke ‘God Only Knows,’ that blasphemous, devil-sent song from a looney in a sandbox? You compare that to my perfectly crafted wonderment? Scram, crazy.”

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