Ladies and gentlemen, the 2014 World Series began last night.
And this year, I think we all know the World Series means just a little bit more.
Because this was the last year that Derek Jeter graced a baseball field, and all that happens in his wake this post-season will happen under a large shadow in the shape of the number 2.
Both the Royals and the Giants have obviously dedicated their seasons to the Captain, and are playing to earn his undying respect. Sorry: re2pect. Therefore, we can safely assume that whoever wins the Series will do so by playing the most Jeterian game possible under the circumstances, and reinventing themselves in Jeter’s image.
So let’s this break this down so we can make a scientific prediction: who will win the 2014 World Series?
The topic of Derek Jeter is so loaded with biases that it’s become impossible to discuss rationally. It’s like the abortion of sports debates.
And I’ll admit right at the top that I’m probably just as incapable as anyone else of being objective about Jeter — I’m a Yankees fan, and he’s one of my all-time favorite players. He’s about my age, so there’s a sense that we grew up together. Now we grow old together.
Jeter connotes so many different things to different people that merely bringing up the subject at a party, bar or ballpark is likely to elicit some kind of screaming. People hate him because he’s a symbol for the Yankees. People hate him because he’s a symbol for New York. People hate him because they’re jealous of his looks, money and women. People hate him for his aloof manner with the media and the public. People love him because they’re Yankees fans. People love him because of his looks, money and women. People love him because he “plays the game the right way.”
Now that Jeter is in serious decline as a baseball player, it’s bringing out the worst in everybody.
Well 40 nights, nights at sea
Pay me my money down,
Captain worked every last dollar out of me,
Pay me my money down
Oh, the irony of Captain Intangibles locked in a bitter dispute over money — the most tangible thing there is.
Well, hello Handsome.
But let’s all just take a deep breath here for a moment. Because we’ve all (me included) allowed the insane sports media to turn a non-story into a story yet again.