Misfit Toys Power Rankings

It’s that time of year. Can you feel it? It’s coming on Christmas, PCHA-ers, and it’s time once again to dive into my favorite Christmas special, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Today, I’m focused on the Misfit Toys and specifically which is the best one. We’re counting down those sad, abandoned bastards with some fucking power rankings. Let’s do this. Who is the true king or queen of the misfits? (And don’t say King Moonracer because fuck that lion.)

11. Charlie in the Box

Ughhhhh. Charlie in the Box is the worst. The absolute worst. He’s whiny, rude and has no faith in Rudolph. We’re supposed to be happy for him for finding a home but I’d rather he was broken up for parts. His voice is one of the 30 worst recorded sounds in human history. “Halt! Who goes there?” Fuck you, Charlie in the Box. You should be delighted that anybody goes there…you’re on an abandoned island of messed up toys — what’s the worst that can come from a stranger’s presence?

The Subtext of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

With all apologies to Charlie Brown and Linus’s “Yay, Jesus” speech, CBS aired my favorite holiday special last week, and I watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in full for probably the 30th time in my life (there were a few lost years there where I turned away from God and lost the spirit of Christmas).

This time, though, I noticed a few hidden messages I hadn’t tapped into before. Now, others have claimed that Rudolph represents communism or the Red Scare (because of the red nose, you see), but I’m not buying it. There’s no chance a show debuting in 1964 would have risked carrying a pro-commie message.

So what is Rudolph really all about? Let’s take a look-see.